Texts I Sent To My Girlfriend During A R. Kelly Concert
8:16pm
overwhelmed by the merchandise booth
0 white people
8:35pm
voiceover announcing “r-minus 5 minutes until the show begins,” “r-minus 60 seconds,” etc
lights up he’s at the top of a staircase everything is white
8:46pm
Bump n grind remix?
8:55pm
all-white custom made leather jacket with light-up embroidered “LADIES” on left sleeve & “V.I. ME” on back?
there is a “singles bar” on either side of the stage a roadie just brought out two women to sit and dance/drink at each
everyone knows all the words
9:16pm
Some girl whispered in R Kelly’s ear and he said “holy shit i’m r Kelly and i haven’t even heard that shit before that’s some new shit even for me”
R Kelly just stopped and said he’s performed 35 songs and he’s not doing any more. it’s been 40 minutes
now he’s reading the set list.
now he’s sitting in a throne
now he’s making women dance like strippers one at a time
this is like a cross between the Apollo and heaven but R Kelly is god
R Kelly is now wearing a paper crown?
“interesting, interesting. It’s hard for a girl your size to go back like that” -kellz the adjudicator
9:33pm
he is now singing trapped in the closet acapella
Just sang the beginning of bump and grind acapella this is sensory overload
He is now singing opera literally he is singing italian opera
9:46pm
He just went offstage and a voiceover just announced he’s in the audience
talking a lot about “doin’ this 27 years”
he’s over to the left we found him
like he’s offstage now but there’s a cage on the stage and he’s wearing the vest from 12 play
now he’s in the cage with a girl and there’s a white sheet over it it’s shaking are they fighting?
lights up, silhouette suggests he was performing a sex act
he’s now brought out mics for karaoke
They’re just piping in his music with mics pointed at the crowd and he’s smoking a cigar?
I’m honestly not sure what’s happening right now
10:01pm
He just stopped a song and started slapping the air and syncopated ass slap sound effects happened for like a while and then he started singing again and acted like it didnt just happen
like a woman in the front row grabbed his penis for like 10 seconds
He’s stopped singing and he’s talking about wishes
talking about his mom RIP
waving to his mom? RIP
talking about Obama, cheers
10:11pm
just said he “doesn’t do this for the money” literally into a diamond-encrusted microphone
just pulled a woman on stage & hugged her gingerly and then threw her off stage she was literally thrown off stage
singing the lyrics “shower down on me” over and over with no irony
Doing a move that ends with a hitler salute
10:16pm
Getting really emotional during “i believe i can fly”
OK now it’s over i think
No he’s doing another one