1. You can’t wait to end the relationship but you will always feel awful after doing it.
You’ve been talking to yourself about how to end things smoothly because you can’t stand to be with the person you used to love anymore. You think of endless reasons and everything bad about him to convince yourself that you’re making the right decision. But after you’ve said your last word and gave your last gaze, you feel equally or more hurt to be the one doing it and the worst of all, you know you can’t take it back. Damage has already been done.
2. You convince yourself you’re perfectly happy of leaving him but you’re not.
“At last, I can do things on my own now. I can do what I want without thinking of someone else. I can be my own happiness. I wouldn’t have to feel the agony of waking up next to the wrong person. I can finally look for the one I deserve more.”
You know you’ve said those things to yourself and you know not all of it is entirely true. You know how much he loved you, how much you wanted it when he holds your hand even if you’ve been pushing it away. You know you miss him goofing around but you hated it the most when you were together. You miss all the coffee dates, the dinner, lunch, waking up at the sight of him, his smell, the way he smiles, when he makes you feel like you’re the queen of everything and you miss how he cups your face and the long stares you’ve shared. You miss those three little big words from him.
3. You call everyone and tell all the wrong things about him that ended your relationship.
You tell your friends you’re the strong one and how much of a pain in the ass he is to you. But as you talk about him, every word you say about him, every little hate you have makes you long for him even more. And at the back of your mind, you want him back so bad and you love him now more than ever but you can’t change what you did. It’s done. He’s gone.
4. You wanted your mutual friends to tell you he’s been talking about you since you broke up.
But they’re not and you hate it. You want him to run after you and want you so bad even though you’re not going back anymore. You just want to feel wanted, longed for, important, missed and still loved. You want to move on but you actually don’t want him to move on from you. You want him to keep loving you and make an effort of getting back with you. But it’s not happening, and this is not what you want.
5. You post everything you do on social media hoping he sees everything.
All the parties you’ve gone to. All the boys you’ve had a picture with and all the achievements you’ve had over the past weeks must be on social media. You brag every little new thing you have since you broke up and you want him to see it. You want his attention and he’s not giving it and it sucks.
6. You stalk him on social media and hope to find something about you that he posted.
When he does, you feel victorious. When he doesn’t, you feel betrayed even though you don’t have a valid reason to be. You want him to stay faithful to your relationship even if it’s over. You want him to stay while you’re walking away. You’re selfish and you admit it.
7. You feel offended when you’ve heard he’s with someone else after a few months of breaking up.
You can’t be the one losing the game. You should be the one to move on first and be happy first and seeing him done with you hurts like hell. You feel like it’s a competition between you two although you haven’t talked to each other for months (and that pisses you off).
8. You start the stalking game and not only to him, but his new girlfriend.
You know when and where they met. You’ve seen every picture they had. You stalked through every post, picture and videos on his girlfriend’s Facebook. You start comparing yourself to her and you feel highly offended when you found out she’s pretty, smart and kind. You hate it because everyone loves her and everybody’s rooting for them as the cutest couple of the year.
9. You don’t want the friends you’ve shared with him support his new relationship.
You want everyone’s attention on you and not him. You want everyone to see you’ve been the happier one and the stronger one. You want your mutual friends to tell you that he’s been looking for you and talking about you and asking your new number. But they’re not and they’re putting up a fans club for him and his new girlfriend.
This can’t be happening! No! It’s been months and you haven’t dated since. It’s been months and you’re still thinking about him. It’s over but you still love him. And sadly, you lost the competition you’ve made. He’s happy and you’re not.