Growing Up Means No Longer Playing The ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’ Card

Joining the world of social media in high school, I have gone from obsessing over my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to deleting one, keeping one to only keep tabs on loved ones (and read witty blogs/stories) and – ok, I’m still obsessed with Instagram.

Once a place full of funny posts and pictures, too often anymore I see people posting about the negative in their life coupled with excuses as to why things didn’t work out the way they planned them to. I’ve come to the conclusion that I still love Instagram so much because its focus is still on pictures rather than wordy posts. We all know that life can be is tough and the obstacles can range in severity from an ant hill to The Hills Have Eyes, but sometimes you have to step back and realize that maybe the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” mantra is true.

As sad as it is, I can name numerous times in my life that I refused to take responsibility for a bad grade, sticky situation at work, and any failed relationship. I was so consistent in my lack of accountability for my actions that my mom would call me the “Queen of Justification.” Of course I would justify why I was not the “Queen of Justification,” but case and point.

When things in my life would turn sour, I justified why it wasn’t because of me, but instead, it was because of someone or something else. I hit a place while in college where for about a year and a half I was just a disaster in any relationship – both romantic and platonic. I believed that I was in these situations constantly because I was looking for love in the wrong places or I was just hanging out with the wrong crowd. If we’re being honest, the real reason that I found myself in these situations was because I was a hot mess and didn’t realize that my way was actually worse off than the highway.

Of course, the light bulb in my head eventually lit up and I realized that I was the one standing in my own way of growth by refusing to accept responsibility for my part in any conflict. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t think that I’m grown up now.

I’m 23-years-old and still L.O.V.E. ridiculous things, which I find totally ok, but I have also accepted that my actions contribute to every reaction in my life. We all hit this point at different times in our lives, another thing that I’ve accepted is that there will always be a negative posts about what happened in someone’s life followed by an excuse as to why it happened. Of course I can just choose to not read this post, but as Miley says, “can’t stop, won’t stop.”

Through my job in the field of law, social media and everyday life, I see people living as “Queens of Justification.” The reason that this irks me so much is because I know that it’s easy to play victim rather than take responsibility for your contribution to the problem. I also know that if you take this route, you’ll never move beyond that situation.

Maybe you were reprimanded at work because social media was calling your name a little too often, not because your boss was picking on you. Maybe you made a bad grade on your test because you missed some of the professor’s lecture while responding to a text, not because he or she was a bad teacher. Maybe your relationship didn’t work out because you were more wrapped up in yourself and your own feelings, not because your significant other didn’t “choose you.” SO, to get to the point, here’s my two cents: set yourself free and realize that sometimes, “It’s REALLY not you…it’s me.”

And then read another witty online article or blog, because they’re the best.