The ONE Thing Most Guys Get Wrong About Sex

 Dennis Brekke
Dennis Brekke

When you were young, feeling butterflies, writing your significant others initials on your school binder, confessing your love on AIM (when AIM was actually relevant, I may be outdating myself just a bit), updating your BBM status to ‘143 Always and Forever’ (another outdated commodity we used to cherish before Apple took over the world), it’s easy to just want to stick it in just to say you have had sex.

How many of us actually enjoyed the first couple times? I was drunk; probably a lot more inebriated than one should be at seventeen. I remember not being able to orgasm, not after an impressive ten minutes at least, partly due to all the Cuervo I drank, mainly because all the time I had spent masturbating before that ceremonious night, dark in my room, the only light glaring off of my computer screen. I also remember that it was a whole lot of nothing; poking, prodding, not being able to locate the star on the proverbial map.

For those of us who have matured, or at least say/think we have, sexually, we don’t want to just stick it in. We understand that sex is more than just insertion. We understand that once we are in a relationship, sex is one of the main driving forces that’ll keep that midnight oil of your monogamous commitment burning. We understand, the men at least, that “happy wife, happy life” isn’t only obtained by buying her that absurdly expensive David Yurman ring she won’t shut up about but also by giving it to her the right way; in the way that will make her stay, after she comes. Get it? Anyway… for those of us who haven’t mature sex is not just about penetration.

Here is a look at three things that makes sex more than just sticking it in and how it’ll only help your relationship.

Ask your significant other, not Google

There is nothing wrong with guiding your partners hand during foreplay to that spot on your clitoris that’ll arch your back, force you to dig your nails into the bed sheets, and help you reach that long awaited climax. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that they are using too much or too little teeth during a blowjob. Is his tongue rattling your tonsils? Is she drawing blood every time she bites your bottom lip?

If it’s broken, fix it.

If you know what you like, express it.

If you care about your partner and the relationship you are in, you will do both.

Everyone’s body obtains a different set of blue prints. Not everyone gets off in the same way. Some women have a much more difficult time getting wet than others, while men have trouble getting and staying hard. Have you ever rubbed your penis against sand paper? Okay, I haven’t either but at least imagine how that would feel. Try putting a piece of linguini in your vagina. I don’t know why one would, but like I said… imagination.

I am a huge advocate of communication in a relationship but I am also a huge advocate of a healthy, good sex life in a relationship. Communication in the bedroom will only lead to better communication in everyday life. And bad sex won’t lead to anything better in your relationship. You do the math. There is no need to let your partner continuously stab you with his penis night after night. Spread those legs wide open, after you yourself are open to discussion, constructive criticism, pointers, anything to help improve your sex life. Make the sounds of a shaky headboard echo with your body and your voice.

Back seat, windows up, that’s the way we like to…

You’re at a wedding with your significant other. Couples are drunk on love, high on life. It is a time to celebrate the holy union of two individuals, while subconsciously thinking about your own relationship’s potential to ultimately reach that day of saying “I do.” Alcohol is pouring. Juices are flowing. Who’s to say you shouldn’t capitalize on this day of meaning and fuck your significant other in a bathroom or coat check or if the wedding is at a vineyard, try doggy style in between a row of grapevines? I don’t know. It’s just an idea.

This isn’t just about drunken, dirty wedding sex. This is about infusing spontaneity into your relationship no matter how old you are and no matter how long you have been with that special someone. Life is too short for boring missionary every night, under the covers, unenthusiastically asking if your partner has orgasmed yet, either because the sex is that bad or because you finished twenty minutes ago.

Having sex in the backseat of your car isn’t just for horny, pubescent high school kids. If you and your partner are out and in one of those itching for sex moods, don’t wait until you get home. Pull over somewhere, depending on how daring you’re feeling, hop into the backseat and fog up those windows. While we’re on the subject of automobiles, if you’re confident with your boyfriend’s driving abilities, reach your hand over the shifter and put his stick into gear. There’s nothing wrong with a little vehicular fellatio, just as long as you don’t crash. Teeth marks on your penis isn’t a good look.

Ya gotta have some fun in your relationship but that doesn’t mean just going to Six Flags: Great Adventure. That means going to Six Flags: Great Adventure and fingering your girlfriend on the ascension of King Da Ka. That may be a bit intense…and difficult, but you get the point and hopefully understand the metaphor.

Don’t be afraid of letting loose and exuding the youth that is still inside you.

Spice shit up. Get naked. Get wild. Go public.

Make Love, Then Fuck

Some couples have sex just to orgasm and ultimately because they think they have to; not because they enjoy it. Sex is not just the mean to an end. It should be intimate and it shouldn’t be just about penetration.

You can’t have dinner without setting the table first.

Foreplay has unfortunately become a lost art and its importance is often overlooked in a relationship. Foreplay isn’t just about blowjobs and handjobs. Foreplay, whether we care to admit it or not, is intimate, sometimes more intimate than sex. It is your sexual, gateway drug.

There should be as much excitement present during foreplay as there is during actual intercourse, to the point where you don’t want to stop kissing, rubbing, fingering, licking, jerking or sucking. You should be smiling like Justin Bieber in his mug shot. This buildup of sexual pleasure, the intense act of foreplay will only make the sex better. You will beg, scratch, claw and ultimately yearn to be taken; taken to a place where you never thought you could go or allow yourself to go. There is always room to reach new heights.

Once your table is set and the food is brought out onto the table, your immediate thought is to just dive right in, mouth first.

After foreplay, start slow. Keep kissing each other. Keep auditing your partner’s naked body. Make sure every area is being covered. You don’t want to be the little engine that can’t hold its load. The more anticipation and buildup and wanting and needing; the easier it will be to get your partner off. And when the time is right or when you just can’t take it any more:

It’s time to fuck. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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