Yes, I am fat. I am also a writer, so lets write about it.
I will never be close to the beauty standards of these days and that is fine. I’ve never been the prettiest and I do not care. So, here’s a first: I am obese.
Since my extreme weight gain I am now officially a fat girl. I’ve been trying to figure out a healthier lifestyle but it’s hard.
I am an emotional eater and yes, I am very emotional. We all have been through bad shit and trauma’s and we all deal with those things differently.
I was in a very bad place and gaining weight was my only way out. You don’t have to understand this, or me. But eventually food became an escape from reality, like the way other people grab to drugs, alcohol or use sex as a distraction I started to eat, and until today it’s a haunting pattern. I gained weight and haven’t lost any. Big fucking deal!
Sure I am fully aware that there are those lucky people with healthier and wiser ways of dealing with how they feel. Congratulations, this doesn’t mean though, that you are better than anyone else.
So why am I writing this? Not because I want you to feel sorry for me, this is not about my disgust about fat shaming, nor do I think seeing obesity as some kind of new standard is a good thing. But what I do believe is that everyone should mind their own business. I am tired of all the people who make my weight gain and my fat body their concern and feel the necessity to tell me how to feel, act or dress or what to change.
I don’t want to walk the streets afraid of people’s reactions when they see me walking sleeveless, or in a dress. I won’t hide myself until I’ve reached my goals just so you don’t have to feel annoyed or disgusted.
If that’s what my presence does to you I suggest you better look the other way or stab your eyes out, perhaps you should run before I infect you with cellulite or maybe you should keep the focus on your own insecurities instead of growing mine. Whatever it is that you do, don’t make your feeling about how I look my problem and I promise you I won’t make my fat body yours.
I’ve heard all these things so many times that I am tired of hearing them over again and again. You don’t have to tell me I need to be fitter if I want to be a scuba instructor. I am fully aware, I dare you to out-swim me though. Don’t tell me I am too fat to stand behind a bar, as far as I know there hasn’t yet been a law based on the physics of a bartender and can you please stop making animal sounds when I am passing by, fat never changed me from human into animal form, only the full moon does that to me.