Thought Catalog

Stop Thinking You Don’t Deserve Her

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Anneliese Phillips

So you like this girl. She’s beautiful, but not just on the outside. She’s smart and can engage you in an intellectual conversation. Her laughter is contagious, and her smile makes you feel warm. From what you’ve seen from the distance you’ve been keeping, she seems to be a good person and a great girl. You’re drawn to her like a magnet, and somewhere deep inside you, you know she could be the one.

But you’re too damn scared to close the gap because you think you don’t deserve someone like her.

You’ve been filling up your head with the wrong ideas—She won’t notice me. She’s way out of my league. I don’t stand a chance. There may be someone better. Why, though? Maybe it’s your messed-up past. Maybe it’s because you came from a broken family. You see her as this pure, innocent being that you could defile with all your imperfections by mere association.

She’s the perfect girl, and you want her, but you’ve made yourself believe there’s just NO way she would give someone like you a fair shot at being the guy who could love her the way she deserves.

Believing that you have no chance with a girl even before trying to get to know her decreases the possibility of you making any move, thereby increasing the chances that she won’t notice you. This mentality, therefore, turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you end up jeopardizing your own love life.

Snap out of it and MAN UP.

Newsflash: You’ve clearly put this girl on a pedestal, and honestly, women don’t want guys to do that.

None of us are perfect (although most people want to give off that impression), so seriously, stop thinking that you don’t deserve to be with your dream girl. Believe it or not, she is as flawed as you are. She has her own imperfections that she may actually be tremendously insecure about. She may have a past that she’s trying to get over. She knows pain and rejection, and maybe, just maybe, she’s waiting for someone to share life with.

Someone like you.

Besides, the more you build up this person in your head, the more idealistic you become about what she’s like, so then you already have these preconceived ideas that may turn out to be totally different once you do get to know her, and then you’ll get disappointed. I really do believe, and I hope I can convince you, that building a real friendship with a girl you like is better than banking on what-ifs and ideals and hiding behind your own insecurities.

So please stop stalking her online profile and call her. Stop pretending to be texting and say hi when she passes you down the hall. Darn it, ask her out! What do you have to lose? Getting to know her could actually be the biggest gain you could ever get in your life. Take the risk. Remember Captain Steve Trevor (Wonder Woman, played by Chris Pine) and tell yourself, “It’s not about deserve; it’s about what you believe.”

If you believe this girl is worth getting to know, worth pursuing, worth loving, then stop the self-sabotage.

If you think you don’t deserve her, then do whatever it takes to make yourself deserving, and believe that he who finds a great girl has been favored by the heavens and has been blessed with a good thing. Make sure you cherish that.

You, too, deserve that chance to love and be loved. Stop thinking she doesn’t deserve you. TC mark

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