Just because you have been together a long time does not mean you have to stay together.
I was in a relationship for almost 4 years that was failing miserable in the last 2 years. We were constantly arguing: whether it be something extremely important or something extremely petty. We had a really good run where we were madly in love and all we did was have fun together. When the fighting started, I would constantly remind myself how much I loved them. I would tell myself “I was happy with them at some point in time, so I can be happy with them again”. I was wrong.
I think that when you are with someone for a long time, you start to think that you should stay together. Mainly, I think that we all don’t want to feel like we wasted our time or our efforts on something that isn’t going to work, so instead of walking away, we keep putting MORE time and MORE effort into the situation. I remember constantly telling myself “if I just give this time, things will change.” The more time went on and things didn’t change, the more I realized I was just prolonging the inevitable.
I think that walking away from someone you really have grown to love is difficult for anyone to do. What everyone needs to know though is that it is OKAY to walk away from a situation that is not making you happy. Regardless of how much you love someone, sometimes you just aren’t meant to be with that person. We need to stop being so concerned with what people will think of us if we walk away. We need to start being more selfish. I spent so much time worrying about hurting the other person if I walked away and I wasn’t thinking about how much I was hurting myself by staying.
Start listening to your friends. They have probably known you longer than your significant other, and they know you best. Towards the end of my relationship, all of my friends could see how unhappy I was. They were constantly telling me how the situation I was in was no longer beneficial for me. My mood had changed around everyone I was close to and I was completely unhappy. I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, mainly because I knew they were right. Looking back on it now, I realize how much happier I would have been if I had listened to them sooner.
Look at how you are living your life. Are you going out with your friends? Are you doing things that make you happy? Are you enjoying the hobbies that you used to enjoy before you met this person? Are you making time for yourself? Are you succeeding at school/at work? Is this person bring out the best in you? I can tell you right now, the answers to all of these questions for me were “no”.
I am 6 months out of a relationship with someone who could no longer make me happy. I am now living a much more enjoyable life. I see my friends more often, I go out more, I am way more focused on schoolwork, and overall I am just a happier person. I have had time to rediscover who I am and what I enjoy on my own. I no longer live with wondering “what fight will we get into today”. Instead, I spend my days wondering “who am I going to hang out with later?”
So, for anyone out there who is in a similar situation to what I was in, I really encourage you to stop and think “Am I happy”? If the answer is “no”, then you need to walk away, whatever the situation may be. The most important person you need to take care of is yourself. You deserve to be happy.