When I first met you, I knew that I was going to get myself into trouble. There was just something about you that was alluring that I will never be able to explain. From the first day I met you, I was doing things that I thought I never would do. I let myself go and I let myself be completely and utterly myself without even thinking twice about what you’d think of me. In just a matter of a few hours, I was able to be completely myself around you. Having come out of a relationship I was in for four years where I felt like I could never be myself, how could you possibly hold that kind of power over me?
And I thought that it was a good sign that I felt so comfortable around you. But I always knew in the back of my mind that I was wrong. You weren’t the type of guy to just settle down for a girl like me. You were independent. You were flirty. You were funny. You were smart. You were sarcastic. You were everything any other girl could possibly have wanted (which I guess is why you’d rather stay single than tied down).
It didn’t take long for us to become friends…and it didn’t take long for us to become friends with benefits, either. There was an undeniable attraction that neither of us could resist. On top of that, we talked constantly. Things always appeared to be going in the right direction. You invited me to hang out with your friends. I introduced you to mine. We spent every day talking and getting to know each other. But, every time we hung out, there was always a different motive in mind, which I didn’t mind at the time.
I should have known what I had gotten myself into. We were friends with benefits and nothing more than that. You insisted to me that I was more than that and things were different with me; but, you never wanted to commit. You never wanted to make this anything more serious than this was. If you did, you’d have changed something about it when I told you how I felt. There were times where I thought, “Maybe I am doing something wrong”. But, I wasn’t. It was you that was making a mistake. And the moment I realized it, I should have walked away.
But, I didn’t. I stuck around thinking that maybe since you “like” me and since you talk to me all the time and since we hook up all the time then MAYBE this will turn into something more than just friends hooking up. I convinced myself that I’d rather live and have fun and get hurt than walk away from you. I let myself fall for you even though you were so busy fighting the idea of falling for me.
In the end, this will all be your loss. I am amazing and awesome and smart and funny. I am certainly worth more than a guy who doesn’t recognize the potential in me as something more than a “friend with benefits”. And if I do one day have the strength to walk away, I hope that you realize that you let the best thing you could have ever had go.