I am 32. I am not married and I have no children of my own. (Why would I need to when all of my friends had plenty for me to borrow?) Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE kids more than adults but, there’s this unspoken law I feel that if you are over 30 and not married with a house, a few kids and a dog there MUST be something wrong with you. It’s surprising to me, because I’d think after women being suppressed for so many decades they would chase something other than the boring conventional life and embrace their self, their freedom, their desires and dreams. But they don’t. Not many anyhow.
Many I know got pregnant on accident young, married too young and divorced and then got it right I guess you could say, afterwards. But, they always chased one thing: A man. Not a dream or a passion… but, a man. I have yet to feel secure enough to settle down or throw in the towel per say. I have kissed many toads. None of which ever turned into princes… for anyone. For being so intuitive and psych savvy I should find this disturbing, but I don’t. You only get what you’re looking for. What you are is what you attract almost always. Not always.
What I do know, is there are so many things I want to try and places I want to see and experiences I want to live that If I did give into that 25% of me that longs for a child and a husband and a conventional life I would never get to live it out. I would be too busy, too tired, Too broke to do anything other than handle a household. I’ve played house enough to know I am not ready for it yet. Still, I dream of beautiful gardens outside of a fancy house (much like my family’s) and stability and security and a less worrisome life. I know having a child and husband and owning a house won’t be less worrisome… I just won’t be alone doing the worrying, maybe. (Which for a cancer that is frightening considering what we turn into when we can’t go into our shell in solitude to restore ourselves because of the sponges we are by nature.)
What I am trying to say is, if you have a dream chase it every single day. Don’t allow it to get away because you are too busy chasing a man or a woman for the mere fact that society has made it seem like there is something wrong with those who don’t live conventionally. You only get one life, in this life, so do whatever makes YOU happy. By all means if that involves a family and a 9 to 5 go after it. This is not meant to tear anyone or their choices down but to lift those who have chose another route or path less taken, Up. Because I know at times it feels as if you are all alone when looking at your old friends and their child’s 2nd birthday extravaganza photos with their husbands and houses and normalcy on social media and wonder if you are missing out and from time to time feeling down or left out.
Here are just 5 big perks of being over 30 unmarried with no children.
1. You can sleep in on the weekends or whenever you desire, schedule permitting.
You don’t have to drag yourself out of bed get you and your children dressed and to wherever they need to go to if school age… nor do you have to think about what you are feeding them for breakfast lunch or dinner. This goes for your husband as well. Eating out is expensive and awful for your waistline, otherwise the meal planning wouldn’t be a problem, maybe. You only have to feed yourself. This could be a yogurt parfait, a simple salad or a pizza if you wish… but one mouth not 3 or 5 to feed is much less expensive and time consuming which leads me to perk #2.
2. This means you have more TIME for things that make YOU happy, balanced and healthy.
Maybe you want to spend an hour reading a book before work, 30 minutes of yoga sounds good, or you just need an extra half of hour of sleep or a long hot shower with zero interruptions. You got it! It’s all yours. It wouldn’t be if you had 2 or 3 mouths to feed and little people to dress and drive around town. Time is a wonderful thing when used wisely. It is also a horrific thing when it is not. Make every moment count when you are alone. It is golden.
3. You get peace and quiet.
You do not have to ever hea r “mommy I need this” or “I want that” or “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I’m bored, I wanna go the park and to jimmy’s house or Jill’s” or “I am not tired or hungry and I don’t want to bathe”…nope… Just silence. You are able to be in peace. You won’t realize how much peace is priceless until you no longer have it. Soak it up. Listen to your inner voice and be still enough to take notice to what your soul is saying. Once you become a parent and or wife peace is a pretty rare thing…Total peace anyhow, without thinking about what someone else may need or worrying about others feelings.
4. You are FREE.
You can run wild or stay in on friday night and have tea with that book you’ve been dying to get your hands on or you can watch Netflix with Ben and Jerry. You can take a day trip with a simple plan, a small bag and just get your butt in your car. Maybe you dont want a plan. Maybe you just want to get up and go! This is not possible unless you are a single woman or man bound to nobody that seriously. We had authority all of our lives! We had teachers and baby sitters and PARENTS and professors telling us what was allowed or expected always. WHY on earth would anyone want to answer to someone so soon after all the years of being a slave to something or somebody? I know i sure as hell do not like to explain myself or my whereabouts or even my feelings to anyone all the time other than maybe paper (And strangers apparently.)
You can go anywhere you want easily planned out as long as you have the means, and sometimes even if you do not. So go see the world! Get out there and find what you love, what you live for other than another human. Make a difference. Live your life. Be proud to be single not ashamed. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a diamond in a ruff, a mermaid in a sea of fish and anything you want is yours. Embrace your alone time and use it to better yourself and chase your dreams. Don’t waste it worrying about when you will find your next lover or life partner or staring at your old friends family portraits wondering if you have missed out on something. Just live your life for YOU doing things you enjoy and that person, when it’s time, will come along. Then, you too can glorify the art of being so busy with children, a husband and a 9 to 5. Until then hang on and enjoy the ride!