5 Reasons Why We Choose The People Who Will Never Love Us Back

A redheaded woman wearing a winter coat and red scarf standing in a field
Rocksana Rocksana / Unsplash

This is quite a simple question to answer, right? I know. You’re probably wondering, “Is this girl for real? Does she need to write a 500-word article to explain this?”. But you might be surprised at how this question is so broad that one could even compose a 1000 article about it.

Anyway, most of you would tell me that it’s just really simple. We choose to love those who don’t love us back because human as we are, we chase after things that we can’t get. We always wanted those things that are forbidden or those that aren’t allowed. We love the thrill of doing something, or perhaps accomplishing something and telling ourselves that we have succeeded, one way or another.

Of course, there are those who would also tell me that’s it’s not the thrill of chase but that undeniable feeling of compassion and affection for someone who made an impact in their life. At any ordinary time I would have rolled my eyeballs but there are really those who are very sincere. And I get it. But even though there are really genuine ones, some are just for clichés and of course, one would not want to appear so nonchalant and insouciant about loving someone right? And would you not include also those who just love those who don’t love them back because its dramatic and they want some spice in their lives? In this day and age where people are so fond of being acknowledge thru social media, getting all too melancholic and sentimental really counts and they get a lot of “sympathies.”Don’t you think so too? But what I really want to point out here is that, there really are a lot of facets as to why we love those people who don’t love us back.

Here are my own five deductions of why we divulge ourselves into that so-called unrequited love.

1. We love them because they made such great impact in our lives, that it turned our world upside down (no matter how overrated that sounds to you), even though for them, we were just people who needed their help.

Yes. We might think that we are valuable, that we are important, that we actually matter when in fact we aren’t. We are just one of those people they knew who they felt obligated to help, not because they’re forced, but because they’re naturally helpful people and that to matter to someone makes them feel good about themselves. It’s not really selfishness but it’s more of self –preservation and assurance that all is well, that I have to be in this world concept and that I need to give, to share, to extend, to be of use to others. We are the ones who came at a time they are full and has a lot to give and we are those who badly need their help. They’re the one who comforted us and made us feel better, made us feel special. Of course we do feel good, so good that the feeling is so elating. But it’s just us. It’s only us who feels that way. It has been a one-sided overwhelming feeling of gratefulness and love after all. It’s not reciprocated. Thus we end up feeling disappointed because that feeling was not returned at a certain degree that we expect. It might sound absurd and you’d probably deny it but that’s the truth, and you know that very well, as I do.

2. We love them because we admire them so much and even though they probably don’t know us (or even if they do, we are just someone whom they recognize but doesn’t know really well) and still, we look up to them and since them they’ve become our standards or at some point, they have standards in some aspect of our life.

At this point I am at 665 words and it’s still at number two, so you see, it might sound like a pathetic question but it really does make sense. Anyway, this is where admiration comes in. We love them because they have qualities which we would have wanted for ourselves but we couldn’t. It doesn’t really frustrate us but it does inspire us to become who we want to be. We want to be like them. They made us visualize our future us, who we want to become, what we want to achieve, what we desire in life. They make us aspire for greater things. They inspire us. And it’s only a matter of time before it turns to love. Admiration begets inspiration and inspiration begets love. It is like a domino effect. You commit to one of them and it’s all downhill (or probably uphill but it’s usually more of the former).

3. We love them because they’re just lovable. They have so much love within them that it overflows. In effect, we feel it and we just feel love and then we get to love them.

But that doesn’t mean they love us the way we love them. I know for a fact that when you love someone you should just love and not expect in return but at some point in your life, you’d have that feeling of expecting to be loved at a degree of how you have loved that as person as well. Unfortunate as it sound but yes, sometimes, we come at a certain stage where we long for something equal, something that’s at par of what we give. It’s not being selfish. It’s just who we are and it’s just how we feel. It doesn’t have to be right but will you ever be able to stop yourself from feeling that way anyway? You just can’t say yes immediately. That’s for sure. Because in this world, nothing is certain. Definitely, especially, when it’s the matter of the heart.

4. We love them because we just love to love people. Although we have some biases (that’s a given) but definitely we choose to love people because we just do, we want to love them anyway whatever the consequences maybe.

At point number three I said that they are just lovable, of course it could be the other way around. We just love to love and it’s not wrong but somehow being too much also has its negative effect. When we love too much it tends to be misunderstood or it could be that it would be overdone. In that case, we are just putting harm to ourselves and it’s not good anymore. At that point, we fall into the mistake of loving someone who can’t love us back. We definitely know they just can’t love us the way we do, but because we just want to love them, we make ourselves hope for something which isn’t there. And it’s not only us whom were hurting, we make them suffer too. Because they can’t do anything about you’re suffering but they don’t want you to hurt as much as possible.

5. Lastly, we love people who don’t love us because indifferent and insensitive as it sounds, we just love the drama and the sentimentality of loving someone who can’t love us back.

We live in the generation where movies, novels and any other fictional media create a big impact to our lives. Especially the young ones right now, being hopelessly romantic is a cool thing and when you like someone so desperately, it gives a vibe of helplessness and sympathy. It also has an effect of gaining attention and though we hate to admit, we love attention. Of course, we’d say we don’t want sympathy and attention, but we know that deep inside we wanted it to. You’re probably saying no right now but of course when it happens, I know you’d enjoy it.

You probably have a lot to say about this but this is how I see unrequited love. Definitely it’s not something you expected but I hope these are some points you could ponder upon. It is so much fun and exciting loving someone who doesn’t love you back but at some point you get tired and you’d see that it probably isn’t worth it. Love is a beautiful thing but overdoing it or not totally thinking of the consequences for your actions is also something you should consider. Would you still love someone knowing that person can’t love you back the way you do? Or you’ll just unconditionally that love someone no matter what the cost is? TC mark

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