Here’s How To Actually Get What You Want From Your Life

Folur's photography
Folur’s photography

I want to share a secret with you, darling. You are incredibly wise.

When I ask you what you most desire, what do you answer? To be honest, many of you will say “I don’t know” and believe that it’s an honest answer. But here’s the deal, kitten: You do know. You already have the answers deep inside of you.

Sometimes, the desires of our hearts feel like they’re lost to us, but the truth is that they not lost; they are merely buried. Buried under the “need tos” and the “shoulds” and the “keeping up with the Jones and Smiths.”

I know you may not believe me. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have believed me. I was in a miserable, loveless marriage that was sucking all the desire, drive, and creativity from my soul.

So what changed for me?

I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted to stop being miserable and heartbroken and depressed.

I wanted to feel again. I wanted to end the destructive ways I was numbing myself: food, alcohol, over-exercising, filling my schedule to overflowing.

I wanted to be loved for exactly who I was.

How did I change it?

There were lots of tiny steps to begin creating a life I loved and changing where I was.

I got help. Because, baby, sometimes we simply need a guide to find our way back to who we really are, and to what we are meant to create in this world.

I realized that I had a choice. I could choose my thoughts. I could choose how I wanted to feel. I was always in choice. And I’ll admit that even in recent months, I have to be reminded of this.

I learned that when I stopped numbing, I did feel the icky stuff, but it passed. The bonus, though, was that I always began feeling the really wonderful stuff again – happiness, joy, desire. You see, when you numb the bad feelings, you numb it all.

I found gratitude.

I cleared clutter. I ditched all kinds of physical clutter in my world. I began clearing the crappy thoughts crowding my mind. All the shitty and hateful voices that told me I wasn’t good enough.

I stopped asking those powerless rhetorical questions like “why me?” and began asking the right kind of questions, like “who do I want to be in this world?” and “what do I want to do?”

I stopped being a victim in my own life. It was time to be the heroine of my own story, not the tragically flawed supporting character.

I began to explore. I explored the similarities between myself and others. I discovered how I was different from my fellow travelers.

I began to let go of perfection. I stopped trying to make everyone else happy.

I allowed the layers to fall away, understanding that sometimes, I would get hurt without my protective walls around my heart. I learned however, that this allowed me to feel electric and alive.

I learned to love again. I learned to love myself and I allowed myself to fall in love with others. I learned that by loving myself, and accepting myself for who I was at any particular moment, I could step way the moments of loathing.

I learned to trust. To trust my instincts. To listen to my heart. To trust in others.

I learned that the passion I allowed to blossom in my heart was actually a fire that burned away the fears.

Let me be frank, my darling. These are all lessons I am still learning.

After leaving behind the miserable person I was and stepping towards and into a life I was head over heels in love with, I came to understand the fact that there is no “there” in this evolution of love and life. But baby, it’s all about the upward trajectory of finding ways to love life even more.

Darling, you can fall in love with your life. You can write yourself a permission slip to simply be wholly you. You can find the ways to being comfortable in your own skin.

You can learn to hear the small quiet voice of your heart to discover the answers you need to live a life your love.

You may just need a little help as you take those steps towards creating the life you desire.

Find a therapist. Hire a coach. Join a support group. Create a better support structure. Take a class. Read great books and soak up the wisdom of others as you unearth your own inner wisdom.

Getting help was the first step for me to this life that I love. And the deep sense of peace that I am evolving into the person I was meant to be. That I am creating what I was meant to create.

You deserve to fall head over heels in love with your life. You, my darling, are the living embodiment of wisdom. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originated on Attract the One.

Debra Smouse is a self-admitted Tarnished Southern Belle, author and life coach.

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