To my future self, this is what I wish for you:
I hope you’ve learned to stress less. I hope I haven’t given you grey hair, and premature wrinkles. If I did, I’m sorry, but I really hope that you’re rocking it now. I know that I had a bad habit of overthinking. I know that I procrastinated everything, and had my share of self-induced mental breakdowns. I’m sorry that I’ve caused you so much stress, but it’s helped you deal with it better as your grew older. I hope that you’ve learned to manage your time, and how to prioritize your responsibilities. I hope that you’ve learned how to control your stress and not take it out on others. I know that when you were younger you allowed yourself to get caught up inside of your mind. I hope you’ve learned how to breathe, unclench your teeth, and relax.
I hope you’ve stopped worrying about things you have no control over. You thought that worrying would help you solve your problems, that overthinking your anxieties would help bring your heartbeat down to a steady rate, and calm your unsteady hands and sweaty palms. But in actuality, there’s no point in worrying over something you have no control over. I hope you’ve realized that.
I hope you’ve learned how to make decisions on your own. You’re smarter than you think. I hope that you’ve learned to make choices on your own, but also don’t feel like you always need to make them on your own. I hope that you let others help you sometimes, too.
I hope you’ve learned that not everyone means what they say. You always tried to see the good in people. Even when you realized that the world wasn’t perfect, and people didn’t always have the best intentions, you tried to shield yourself; because despite all of the negativity around you, you still wanted to believe that people were really good at heart. I hope that you’ve opened your eyes and know who means what they say, and who just says it to keep you around. I hope you don’t allow anyone to take advantage of you. I hope that you’ve learned that you deserve the same effort in all of your relationships that you’ve always put in. I hope you have learned to fight for the right people, and let go of all the toxic ones. I hope you still have a good heart.
I hope you’ve learned not to fall for the boys who make you laugh. I know you’re sitting on the couch right now, leaning your right arm on a pillow and your left hand is resting in the palm of the love of your life. (If not, it’ll happen. Please don’t give up.) You deserve someone that can handle your heart. I hope he asks you how your day was. I hope he deals with you when you’re being annoying, and I hope he listens to you whether it’s for two minutes, fifteen minutes, or two hours. I hope it’s forever.
I hope that you finally got the chance to travel. I hope you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone, and finally got the chance to see the world. I hope you’ve made it to Italy, I hope you’ve seen Venice. I hope that you’ve partied in New Orleans, and swam in all of the prettiest oceans.
I hope you still talk to all of your old friends. I hope you’ve held on to the good ones. I hope that they were your bridesmaids. I hope your maid of honor gave the best drunken speech that you have ever heard in your entire life. I hope she knows all of your college stories, and that she knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. I hope that you’ve held on to the friends that saw the different stages of you. I hope they grew up with you, and still never leave your side. I hope your children call them aunt and uncle.
I hope that you’ve learned to forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes. My god, you’ve made a few. And you probably have continued to make them. I hope you keep making them; I hope you’re never afraid to make mistakes. I hope you learn from them, and you learn to forgive yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you’re doing the best you can.
I hope that you are happy. I hope you have found pure, genuine, blissful happiness, and that you never have to let go of any of it.
I hope you’re alive. You’re older now, but your life isn’t over. You may not be as young as you were in college (god, please don’t be one of those people stuck in their college phase.) I hope you’ve started a new chapter in your life. Your heart is beating, and I hope you’re always thankful for that.
I hope you’re still smiling.