This goes out to all of those who are currently stuck. Stuck in a relationship where it seems as if every day you’re losing yourself. Stuck in a cycle of toxicity that you can never break. Stuck more on the idea of what your relationship could be then what it is. While your love may run deep for your significant other, it’s time for your love to run even deeper for yourself.
As much as you may want to work through the issues, as much as you want to continue fighting for your relationship, at some point you need to start being honest with yourself. Being in a relationship where it begins to feel more like an obligation than a choice is not how one should experience love. Trying to place limitations on yourself for your partner is not how one should go about life. Most of us have been in a position where we feel if we take up less space, maybe it’ll stop the fighting, or maybe if we change ourselves, we’ll be enough for them. While self-awareness and responsibility of faults are crucial in any relationship, changing yourself for your partner is not. There is supposed to be growth and support in a relationship. You are supposed to evolve within a relationship. The key word, however, is evolve, not change.
When you picture a future with your partner, is it with the current version of them or some idealized version of them? If you’re changing your partner in your head to be more attentive or more compassionate, then that future is never going to pan out. If the future you picture in your head is with some other version then who they currently are, then you’re more in love with the idea of them and who they could be than who they are. You’re subconsciously thinking that you could change your partner into what you need. To be in a healthy, prospering relationship, there needs to be a network of exchange of information and understanding. You need to be able to connect and learn from one another. If the relationship is superficial and there’s no depth to it, there will always be something missing.