There’s no doubt that us ladies behave differently in public than we do in private. It also goes without saying that different groups of people bring out different aspects of one’s personality. It’s a fact of human nature that we adapt to our surroundings, and our comfort level may adjust accordingly.
Another truth: There’s no greater sense of freedom than being completely and totally alone. Sometimes being home alone is the most relaxing thing in the world. As much as we may love our besties and significant others, it’s nice to kick back and do all the things that you’d never do if they were there.
Ladies, who’s with me? Here are fifteen things girls love doing when we’re flying solo:
1. We deep-stalk people on social media.
It starts off fairly simple. We wonder, “who is that?” We click on her Instagram profile and start scrolling through her pictures. In the blink of an eye, at least twenty minutes have passed, and we’ve gone in a reverse version of six degrees of separation. We’ve found this stranger’s boyfriend’s sister’s cousin’s husband’s best friend. And we feel strangely proud of ourselves for doing so.
2. “Crazy Friday night!” snapchats
For some reason, we love taking pics of our feet in fuzzy slippers with Netflix in the background and snapchatting it to all of our friends. Actually, the reason is probably because all of our girlfriends will understand it! We are totally having the craziest Friday night ever, especially when Netflix asks us (at least three times) if we’re still watching.
3. Similarly to the above, we send “ugly” pictures to our friends.
It could be said that the uglier the snapchat, the deeper the friendship. It almost becomes a contest – who can make the most unattractive face? Bonus points for using the marker tool to draw faux beards and horns on your own image.
4. We have therapeutic cries.
I know, this is as cliche as it comes, but it’s cliche because it is true! Sometimes all it takes is a commercial; Google is especially keen at invoking the water works. Remember that one with the guy who searches for study abroad opportunities in France and it ends with him getting married and having kids with the French girl he meets? You literally have no soul if that didn’t make you tear up! On other occasions, we will actively seek out shows and movies that will make us have a sobfest (and then we’ll snapchat ugly crying faces to all our friends.)
5. DIY manicures will contain extra cuticle cleanings.
There is something beyond satisfying about removing excess cuticle skin, and everyone knows it deep down. Our DIY manis when home alone will undoubtedly result in an unusually large pile of cuticle pieces, and nothing else can quite compare.
6. On that note, we totally love to peel sunburns and various curling-iron related injuries.
This is gross when we think about it objectively, and even grosser if we witness others doing it, but when its our own skin that desperately needs peeling, it feels like a major sigh of relief. Chances are, we’ll never do this in front of anyone else, except maybe our absolute best friend in the entire world.
7. We have full-blown conversations with ourselves.
This one is especially true if we are getting ready and there’s a mirror nearby. Whatever is on our minds that day, be it a conversation we are preparing to have with our boss or significant other, we practice it out loud. Not only do we rehearse our end of the conversation, but we role play the other person’s response. This is the perfect way to pass the time when we’re straightening our hair or doing some other routine activity that takes a good twenty minutes to complete.
8. We get really experimental with our eyebrow game.
Honestly, we all desire to have eyebrows like Cara Delevingne, but we know we can’t achieve them without some serious makeup use. Of course, this is because we overplucked the hell out of our brows as teenagers, most likely during a bout of alone time. Since no one is around, we can go crazy with products and create borderline caterpillars on our faces.
9. We’ll view our own social media profiles in the mental state of an outsider.
Bear with me on this one. Sometimes it’s fun to pretend we are someone else viewing our own instagram or twitter profiles. We think, “How would a stranger interpret my personality from my pictures? Would they think I’m a cat lady? Do I seem like an interesting person?” Sometimes this game opens our eyes to our bad social media habits, but most of the time, it’s a good way to just indulge in some harmless narcissistic behavior.
10. Selfies will be taken in super-model beast mode.
Even if these selfies don’t get posted anywhere, sometimes it’s fun to just take them. Not only that, we’ll pose in ways that we’d never ever share, just for the fun of trying it. Of course it takes at least thirty attempts before we get the perfect one, but we’d never let anyone actually witness that process.
11. We’ll google ourselves.
We’re talking “clicking ‘next’ 5 times” worth of googling. It’s important to know what’s being said about us out there in the vast universe of the interwebs. This holds especially true if we’re in the process of applying for jobs. If we find anything incriminating that we can remove, at least it’s been a productive effort.
12. Our gross eating habits will not be curbed.
We may strive to be somewhat polite when we’re in public, but when we’re by ourselves, there’s no one to impress. Our inner Jonah Hill circa “Superbad” will be unleashed. Sloppy will not even cut it. We’ll find ourselves standing in front of the fridge, with a slice of two-day old pizza in one hand and a liter of Diet Coke in the other, giving zero effs if we get grease all over ourselves. No shame.
13. With that, we’ll choose weird food combinations, knowing no one will judge us.
If I’m eating pizza and drinking soda alone, you can also bet that I’m dunking my pizza crust into my Coke. Other fan favorites: a cereal bowl and wine dinner, french fries dunked in Nutella, and potato chip sandwiches. Don’t knock it til you try it.
14. We’ll indulge in obsessive organization.
For all the Type A ladies out there, sometimes a good organizational session is needed. Nail polish can be separated by color, books sorted in alphabetical order, clothes by season, etc. This can feel oddly relaxing, and there’s no one around to raise eyebrows.
15. Obviously, we become rock stars.
I’m not talking about a quick five minute dance sesh to T-Swift – I’m referring to a serious one-woman show that is worthy of a Tony Award. Nothing releases energy and tension like a solid 30 minutes to an hour of belting out favorite songs. It’s required to channel your inner Christina Aguilera or Celine Dion and throw in some emphatic hand gestures. Bonus points if there’s a stuffed animal audience.