If there’s anything Instagram is good for, it’s making every aspect of life seem better than it actually is. Somehow, outfits just look better underneath an amaro filter. Selfies reach new heights with the tiniest adjustment of highlights and shadows. And, of course, the pinnacle of Instagram embellishments: our food.
We’re almost programmed to reach for our phones and document our plates at restaurants, and we become especially proud of anything we’ve cooked at home that isn’t mac and cheese from a box. Suddenly, everyone with an Instagram account is the next MasterChef.
Here are ten ways all of us ladies are guilty of exaggerating our culinary styles on Insta.
1. We love a good mason jar salad.
Once upon a time, a true hipster put a salad in a mason jar before it was cool, and now it’s basically the trendiest thing on the planet. Maybe salads just taste better when they are layered with chickpeas, feta cheese, and other veggies – all in perfect proportion inside a cute mason jar. Here’s a question though – how the hell do you eat these salads? You obviously have to pour it on a plate before digging in, so is there actually a point?
2. Coffee demands to be photographed.
Latte foam art? Better Instagram it. Starbucks red cup? Gotta snap a pic! Morning brew from the Keurig? You get the point. We love Instagramming our coffee cups, and we get bonus points for kitschy mugs. Coffee is essential to our Insta pages, and not only is it often the main event, but it serves as the perfect accessory to any picture. Shoes, books, computer desk – you name it. Gotta have a coffee standing alongside.
3. “I know guac is extra.”
Avocado, the holy grail of fruits. There’s something about this little green guy that makes us go wild. We are obsessed with avocados in every form – avocado hummus, guacamole, sliced atop salads, and, of course, avocado toast. I think it’s a rule that if you have an Instagram account, you absolutely need at least one picture of avocado toast a month, or else you can’t sit with us.
4. Our yogurt parfaits take way too much effort.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, right? We can’t admit to just throwing a few cheerios into a plastic Chobani container, so instead, we create elaborate yogurt bowls. These parfaits need to contain at least four of the following items: greek yogurt, honey, fresh berries, almonds, flax seeds, and/or peanut butter. With those powers combined, we have an Instagram-worthy breakfast that is ready to be displayed proudly to our followers.
5. Sunday meal prep!
Let’s be honest, we do this solely so we can take a picture of all the Whole Foods and Trader Joes groceries we purchased (but probably couldn’t afford.) This is also our way of making other people feel guilty about their rushed mornings where they throw microwavable soup into a lunch box. We just desperately hope that someone cares enough to like our picture of strategically placed kale chips.
6. If it has quinoa, it must be documented.
Quinoa is cool because it looks like a grain but it’s actually a protein. Whenever we eat this, we feel extremely healthy and proud of ourselves. Thanks to Pinterest, we’ve learned that quinoa can be incorporated into any meal of the day, so when we decide to make “quinoa oatmeal,” it needs to be shared with the entire world.
7. Here’s to cocktail hour!
Bartenders must know that when they prepare a drink that looks prettier than it tastes, it’s going on our Instas. This rule is tripled in certainty if we are on a cruise or a beach. However, we don’t stop there – even a glass of wine at home is enough to warrant a “treat yo’self” post, complete with the hair flip emoji.
8. If we make cupcakes without photographing them, it’s like it never even happened.
Cupcake pictures are a lot like selfies. It takes a lot of attempts to get the perfect one, and once it’s posted, we anxiously second-guess it until the first “like.” This is mainly due to the fact that it is so damn difficult to get a perfect cupcake. The picture that we post on Instagram will be beautiful and pristine, and no one will be the wiser as to the hot mess that is in the rest of the kitchen.
9. Pizza on Instagram is a lie!
From social media, it would seem like girls only eat gourmet pizza. It has to be artisan crust, adorned with spinach and fresh mozzarella, topped with basil and roasted garlic. You’d never think that we eat Domino’s or Papa John’s because we’d never photograph overly greasy pizza with the cheese stuck to the top of the box. Obviously.
Probably the most important meal to document would be a weekend brunch. If you attend a brunch without any insta proof, you’ve basically violated every girl code imaginable. There’s a certain number of required images to have when brunching, including but not limited to: a mimosa or bloody mary, a runny egg, some kind of leafy green vegetable, a muffin basket, and hopefully someone will order french toast. Brunch is the royalty of Instagram posts, and every girl knows it.