This Is What It Means To Be Hopeless

Hopeless is watching them live their life and simply wishing that you could live yours a little more.

Hopeless is literally watching them move on and fall in love with someone else, meanwhile you’re stuck with the memory of the way you used to be able to make them feel. Hopeless is pleading and pleading to your friends that this wasn’t the way things were supposed to be and them telling you that there isn’t anything else that can be done.

Hopeless is doing everything you do with them in mind and having them not even care.

Hopeless is crying to your own mother with tears and tears running down your eyes because the only thing you want is for things to be the way they were in the past but knowing that can never ever happen again. Hopeless is calling your boss from work because you’ve already called all your friends and have no one else to turn to. Hopeless is being hungry but not being able to eat because your mind is too preoccupied with something that doesn’t even matter.

Hopeless is dreaming about them every night, while they are dreaming about somebody else.

Hopeless is wishing for an email or a text or a call or anything that would let you know that they haven’t forgotten about you, but never getting anything. Hopeless is holding onto a single three-year-old picture from the time when everything was perfect because there’s literally nothing else to hold on to.

Hopeless is riding through the city on the subway at 8:36pm on a Thursday wondering where they could possibly be.

Hopeless is going out of your way to hopefully see them but never seeing them. Hopeless is the genuine desire of wanting to be happy, but knowing you can’t be happy with them so you forget about the idea of happiness all together. Hopeless is trying to figure out what went wrong, or what you could have done to fix things but realizing that nothing could have ever been done because you two simply weren’t ever meant to be.

Hopeless is waking up every morning at 4:30 to check your phone to see if maybe they contacted you while you were asleep and waking up to nothing.

Hopeless is literally not even wanting to pursue your career goals anymore because you were only doing it with one person in mind and that person just isn’t around. Hopeless is being angry at them for not wanting to be with you and not recognizing that you only wanted to make them laugh and hold them in your arms. Hopeless is taking your anger out on family and friends when the source of the anger stems from something you can’t even control.

This is what it means to be hopeless.