I met someone new today. She seems like a wonderful woman. She’s a political science major just like myself. We talked about how crazy Donald Trump is and how close he’s actually getting to winning the nomination. We talked about our goals for the future, and she even called me “Mr. President”. I remember when you and I first started talking, and it’s nothing less than surreal to be living in this moment. A moment where it isn’t you that I am talking to but someone else.
I met someone new today and just like you, she’s also from Morocco. She also has brown hair, and she also radiates a particular type of energy. She’s taller than you, which is fine because I myself am tall too. But you have to believe when I say that part of me wishes I could still be with you.
I met someone new today. I don’t know where it’s going to lead, and I am terrified. She wants to hang out and she wants to text me but I still find myself way more hesitant and apprehensive than I should be. I don’t want to invest in someone again, only to have them walk away like you did. I don’t want this to go down the same road.
I met someone new today, and I can’t expect you to care. I can’t expect your heart to drop. I can’t expect you to revisit our past and look through our old pictures and conversations.
It’s been a year and a half since things came to an end. For a year and a half, the carbon dioxide that was being exhaled from my lungs wasn’t a byproduct of my blood being oxygenated. It was the byproduct of the internal combustion that happened inside of my body when I thought of you. For a year and a half my cells shouted your name.
For a year and a half all I wanted was for you to understand that when you looked at the sunset and saw how the clouds were so beautifully and sporadically torn; I wanted you to understand that I was thinking about you in that moment. I wanted you to understand that any time it rained, it was because I was thinking about the words I shouldn’t have said. Any time it thundered, it was because I was thinking about how active you were in the process of falling out of love with me.
I needed you to understand that when you were walking outside, and you felt the wind breezing by your skin almost as if it was trying to grab you; I needed you to understand that it was me reaching out for you. It was me trying to hold your hand like I once used to be able to. Anytime you found yourself at the beach and noticed the tide retract back to the ocean; I wanted you to understand that there was nothing you can do to make the tide stay. You were the tide, and there was nothing I could do.
No longer will I dream about kissing you until two in the morning. No longer will I picture you and I laughing, both wearing short sleeves in warm weather. It doesn’t make sense for me to look at the sky hoping and praying that someone universal force will lead me to the same coffee shop you might be seated in. I cannot continue to wake up at four in the morning and justify it by telling myself that I am awake in your dreams.
I have to practice what I preach, and leave this baggage behind me. I have to join the masses and masses of people who just simply have the fundamental understanding that things end. That people grow apart and don’t make sense together anymore.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go reply to her text.