Maybe our time isn’t now. After all when you met me I was in a very dark place. I was carrying my own baggage. Baggage that should have been left behind. Weeks before you met me, I was telling myself that I could never date anyone again. When you met me, I was still recovering and dealing with the aches and pains of a lost love.
Maybe our time isn’t now, but our connection was incredible. I remember how we were able to talk for hours. We would talk about anything. I would tell you about how I wanted to be an investment banker, and you would tell me about your summers in Morocco. I remember the first time we held hands, and I still remember exactly where we shared our first kiss, and I remember where we shared our last. My days a little quieter now, and I know that your heart belongs to someone else.
Maybe our time isn’t now, but it definitely could have been. Part of me wants to believe this notion of destiny. Part of me wants to believe that you and I were meant to be. I really want to believe it was fate that brought us together in that economics classroom. But by the same token all relationships take work, and maybe we weren’t ready to put in the work to keep the fire alive.
Maybe our time isn’t now, but hopefully in a few years it can be. Maybe we can get to know each other again. Maybe we remake the maps and explore the depths of our inner beings. Maybe we can do things for real this time. Because what happened before, happened so fast. You felt so much for me, and I was still holding on to something else. I never got the time to heal, I never got to give you the love and compassion you deserved.
Maybe our time isn’t now, and maybe it will never be. Unfortunately the bad times outweighed the good. Unfortunately the feelings you had for me subsided so quickly, and it felt like you were only infatuated. There is no way you could have told me the things you told me only for it to end this way. Maybe you came into my life as a lesson. Teaching me why it’s important to let go of the past, and to not look at what is behind you. That’s a very plausible reality, but one that I refuse to accept. I refuse to believe you came into my life as only a lesson.
Maybe our time isn’t now. But I hope and dream, every single day, that our stars will align again. Right now it feels like I have a greater chance of winning last month’s Powerball than getting back together with you. And let me say, the chances of winning the Powerball were one in two hundred million. Hopefully one day I can be the one that gets to build and grow with you. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to hug you and never let go. Hopefully one day.