4 Ways I Will Be Different And Love You Better This Time

Calvin Lee
Calvin Lee

1. I won’t take you for granted.

You will be first. On a Friday night at 7:37 PM or on a Wednesday morning at 11:13 AM, you will be first. I’ll never brush off an opportunity to see you, or respond to a text “later.” In its most simple form it’s just not fair to you. I know the consequences now of making you wait, and they are consequences I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I’ll put my phone down. No, I’ll turn my phone off. A snapchat doesn’t compare to the story of how your baby cousin is growing into a young vibrant girl.

I’ll call you, but not to pass the time or because I know you will pick up. But I’ll call you because your voice is therapy. I’ll call you because your voice is the only thing I need after a long day. Not a cold beer, not a relaxing sofa, just a phone and you on the other end.

2. I will actively work towards my goals.

I won’t sit around. I won’t allow myself to be engulfed by the toxicity of some of the people I hang around. I’ll start small. Following through on little things that I say I’ll do. I’ll be diligent and develop a distinct work ethic. I want you to feed off my ambition. I want you to recognize that I am adult enough to sacrifice the unimportant things. The things that will get in the way of me being the man you wanted me to be, but more importantly the man I’ve always wanted myself to be.

I will be someone who you can be proud of. Someone who you can brag to your aunt about. I won’t need to prove to you that I am someone worth being with. It will become evident in my actions, that I am someone who is good for you. Someone who you can build and grow with.

3. I will encourage you to work towards your own goals.

I’ll be your biggest fan. I want to feel that fire when you talk about your passions. I want to indulge in them as well. I want to help you fine tune that cover letter. I want you to apply to that program for school even though it means studying abroad and being apart for months at a time. It’s selfish of me to not want that for you and it reveals that I only think about the short term. I want to be a source of energy and confidence to you. I know you believe in yourself, but I want to make sure you know that I believe in you too. Two successful people is always better than one.

4. I will cut the bullshit.

The drama, the jealousy, the childishness, all of it. It will all be cut out because those things just take away from the experience. There is no bullshit that good communication and proper self-love can’t fix. I have to understand that you have your own life to live. I have to understand that you won’t be there at my every beck and call. I have to understand that yes, you do have friends, and that some of those friends will be other guys. I didn’t get that before; I was very selfish. No longer will I tweet stupid things, or try and work out problems over text. I don’t want to be a source of stress, I want to be someone who can reduce yours.

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I know you’re not coming back but if you did, these are the things I would change. I know you’re not coming back but if it were up to me I would have all of you. All the time, forever and always. I know you’re not coming back but I want to attract someone like you. You would probably want someone who is working hard to become what he wants to be. So I will do just that. Who knows what will come my way, maybe someone who is better than you. But until then, the toxic wonder of the “what it” will always persist. TC mark

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