It’s 12:13 in the afternoon, and there are people all around me. They are going where ever it is they need to go. They have to go there to fulfill whatever obligation they have to fulfill. In this very moment the only thing remaining constant is the speed at which the ceiling fan above me is spinning. The apple that gets tossed out the window won’t ever be the same apple again. In time, the apple will either get ran over, or decompose. It will no longer be the apple we once knew. A red, crisp, succulent apple. Relationships and people are much in the likes. One moment things can be so good, and the next it’s like you don’t know the person anymore.
Most days I am fine. I understand the reasons why she left. I understand them in the way that they contribute to the grand scheme of things. I always thought it was a coincidence, the way she came into my life and a travesty to think about how she left it. I can remember it so well, kissing in between the isles of the library hoping the librarian wouldn’t catch us. I can remember it so well, the smell of her hair and how it became intertwined in the fibers of my shirt and stayed with me for hours to come. I can remember it so well, the energy that her affection gave me.
It’s nothing less than shocking to think about how different things are now. I miss her every day. Every road, avenue, street, and highway all lead somewhere. But there isn’t a road, avenue, street, or highway that will lead me back to her. 12 months ago I never had to daydream about the crevasses in her body, I knew them so well. 12 months ago I never had to explain to her friends that my intentions were the purest. I never had to explain that I only wanted to be in her presence and share in her laughter.
I wish I could express, in numbers, how little I mean to her. For my own sake I would like to believe that the number behaves with asymptotic qualities. I would love to believe that the number will never reach zero, but my time is running up. This is the unfortunate reality of things. Times change, people change, and things change. This change sucks and it’s what ignites our suffering, but we have to endure it. Without this change we cannot grow as human beings, and society will not be able to advance. So next time she reaches into your chest and pulls out your heart and slams it on the ground, you will be prepared. Understand that she had to shatter it for a reason. You still have growing to do. You have not yet reached your peak level of greatness, and you have yet to cross paths with the one who is truly meant for you.