All of us guys have been there before. We’ve all played the game of chase. There has been one girl whose affection was so unbelievably unattainable that we had no idea what to do with ourselves. Night after night, going to bed missing her because that was all you could do. And morning after morning waking up, so you could do nothing about it. You would try your best to not let your happiness depend on her. But you would find yourself in shambles after you realize that it was her you didn’t hear from all day.
You found yourself always over-thinking things, the smallest things. You began to notice that you weren’t her priority, not the least bit. And whenever you guys did talk it became a roller coaster of good conversation one day, and subpar communication the next. Here are 4 reasons why you should call it quits.
1. If your happiness depends on her.
She favorites your tweet, or watches your snapchat story and you are all of a sudden full of life. You send her a text and she takes forever to reply and you find yourself getting unjustifiably anxious, which takes a toll on your mood. If it gets to the point where you display a sense of apathy towards anything that doesn’t have to do with her, that is when you have to stop and call it quits. It’s not supposed to be that way.
You, as cliché as this is, have to be responsible for your own happiness. Stoics are very good at this. Take this advice and display an attitude of indifference towards anything that is external to you. She, unfortunately, is external to you. You don’t have control over the situation anymore, you only have control over your reaction. Don’t react. Her not replying to you is external, it doesn’t merit your attention.
2. You find yourself constantly overthinking.
Is she talking to you because she’s bored? Or is she talking to you because her first option isn’t replying? Or maybe she’s texting you because she genuinely wants to talk. If more often than not you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about the situation, like “This isn’t going to work” before the conversation even fully picked up steam, or if you catch yourself thinking about the “what if’s” or fabricating false realities, that’s when you know. Don’t over think, don’t fabricate false realities. Just accept and understand the fact that things aren’t going your way. It’s as simple as that. Accept the fact that things aren’t going your way and go to the gym instead.
3. She can’t make time for you.
The signs are all over, you just chose to ignore them. Time after time she brushes you off, and time after time you rationalize it. You ask her to hang out, she says she hanging out with friends. You call and she tells you she has to go minutes into the conversation. You ask her to go out for something as innocent as coffee, and she never replies. If you are constantly going out of your way to hang out with her, stop right there. She is supposed to want to hang out with you too. If it’s not a “hell yes” don’t concern yourself with it. Go out with your boys, meet other women. I am positive you can find a hotter one.
4. Consistent pattern of ups and downs.
You guys are texting one week and for a couple of days the conversation is going really well. No one is having a hard time connecting with the other. It feels like it should. But then there is a break in the momentum and it’s back to square one. If she does reply to you, it takes her forever to do so.
Expectations aren’t met and disappointment ensues. This can be unhealthy because feelings of inadequacy can start to develop? “Why am I not worth a response?” “I am boring to her?” “Is she talking to someone else?” If you find yourself in this toxic pattern, stop and call it quits. It will only take a toll and cause you expend unnecessary energy on something you can’t control.
All of those signs are telling. They will only leave you wondering, and overthinking. It is better that you focus on yourself and make sure that your happiness is internalized. Don’t forget to be a little more stoic in the process too. She doesn’t reply? Fine. But you’re not going to let that bother you. She is talking to another guy? So what. You are going to start talking to other girls. It’s almost a mindset that you have to think yourself into. It will be hard to keep her off your mind at first.
But if you can begin to understand, on an almost psychological and philosophical level, that you have no control over things that are external to you. What you do have control over is how to react to them. To avoid unhappiness the best way to react to those externalities is with an attitude of apathy and indifference. Tt will make this process a lot easier for you. You’ll be over her in no time.