4 Hopeless Ads I Posted On Craigslist That Display My Sad Search For An Apartment

Shutterstock / Sakuoka
Shutterstock / Sakuoka

First Day of Apartment Hunting:

Hey there! I’m David, I’m 22 and I’m looking for an apartment. I’m currently living in the Boston area. For my rent I work as a psychology/psychiatric research analyst. I also do some writing and am always trying to do it more! For my soul, I love reading, going to shows (comedy, pop-punk, folk, indie, etc), exploring the city, trying weird food and petting cute dogs. I’m always up for an adventure!

I’m fairly quiet and won’t bring any parties into the apartment (not to say I’m not down to host one every now and then). I like cooking (chili, falafel and stir fry are some of my specialties), and I’m a clean person (not a neat freak though). I don’t make a ton of money but I won’t have any problem paying rent on time.

I would love to live in a co-op type environment or something like it–not looking for just a place to sleep but a home. I’ve lived in a co-op before and have a lot of experience living intentionally. If you’re in the same frame of mind and think we could get along, drop a line!

Second Month of Apartment Hunting:

Hi! I’m David–22, psychology researcher and sometimes writer. Like going to shows, exploring, really anything!

I’m clean and respectful, easy to get along with, and pretty quiet. No problem paying rent.

Hoping to make some friends in my new living situation–if I sound alright, shoot me an e-mail.

Fifth Month of Apartment Hunting:

Apartment wanted, e-mail me.

Eighth Month of Apartment Hunting:

Hey! I’m David. I’m 22, and currently working as a psychology researcher. I also enjoy writing, reading, going to shows and going on adventures in Boston. I’m looking for someone to kill me but make it look like an accident.

I like cooking, am pretty good about cleaning, and won’t have any issues paying you to do this job, because I will never need money again, as I will be dead. I’m relatively quiet and won’t fight back when you murder me.

I’m hoping to get along with whoever responds to this ad. I would really prefer for this to be a friendly apparent-manslaughter, not a spiteful hate-killing. If you think we would get along, let me know! TC mark

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