Take A 20

DFree / Shutterstock.com
DFree / Shutterstock.com

You might be wondering what take a 20 means. It’s all about people who do super annoying things that just need to take a 20, which is basically a 20 minute nap, or an “easy guy!” or pretty much the enough is enough of people and things that are just super annoying. You’ll pick up on it pretty quick, and then you can use it in your everyday conversation or next time something or someone annoys you, you can think it to yourself, or even better, mumble it to where the person is like “What was that?” and you can just sigh and tell him his hipster mustache is really working for him. So who falls into the category of Take a 20? Oh I’ll tell you, and if you don’t like my list, feel free to tell me to take a 20, because I’m in need of a nap.

NON TV WATCHING SNOBS

These people are the worst. They say things like “I don’t even have cable or own a TV, I’m just more into reading and TV is just so, beneath me.” REALLY? So you don’t like to know what’s going on in pop culture and more importantly you don’t want to watch Louie or Parks and Recreation or Breaking Bad or Mad Men or I COULD GO ON AND ON. Television is now just as intense and beautiful as most movies. We are in such a supreme time for TV quality that you choosing not to watch is makes you look like a totally silly and boring person who is choosing to miss out on the prime of groundbreaking entertainment. Oh I understand, you have late night bike rides, and are growing tomatoes in your back yard and reading Vonnegut and painting pictures of that are supposed to represent how technology is ruining our brains. TAKE A 20 GUY or GAL! And why are you so proud of the fact? Always, no matter what, within 15 minutes of talking with someone like this, they make sure within that short amount of time they squeeze into the conversation that TV is just not something they need and a total waste of time. But let me blow your mind non watching TV snobs: People can watch TV, AND read on the regular, and go on bike rides, and also laugh and enjoy and get caught up in really good television. HOW ARE YOU NOT WATCHING JUSTIFIED? You’re an ass hole. If you need to define yourself as that guy who doesn’t watch TV, I promise it doesn’t make you look like some intellectual who is above anything, it makes you look like a guy who needs attention and has nothing else to brag about or talk about except to constantly remind people that you don’t watch TV. Take a 20, get a good nap in, then wake up and start on season one Breaking Bad. If after that you’re still a condescending douche bag I hope to never encounter you in conversation, because I would have nothing to say to you expect. Well, actually I would probably say something like “Have you read Chelsea Handler’s new book!?!” just to really piss them off.

OPINIONATED FACEBOOK POSTS

Facebook is a little on the decline. I recently wrote an article about how social media is growing and strong in different demographics. Facebook is all about making money and I’ve noticed the only people that still post pics or updates are a few years behind and don’t understand that most people don’t get on Facebook to post random thoughts. But people still have no problem promoting shows (DJ Dick Goose is playing at the Palladium tonight! 18 and over welcome!) Umm, vomit? What it is now is a tool to promote shows and invite to people to events (by events I mean comedy shows or articles people like or a great clip from Jimmy Fallon the night before). While it’s nice that people are passionate about abortion in North Dakota and how people seem to really have no idea about social issue and have obviously not studied them share their thoughts, it comes across as uneducated and, quite frankly silly. It’s always close-minded personal opinions that are more whiny than anything. People use Facebook to share something positive, or post a picture of a cute puppy, or share a link to an article or video you think is worth sharing. But just stating an angry opinion about something so out of your wheelhouse because you read four lines from as DailyBeast article doesn’t make you smart, and sadly, it’s just so transparent that you are trying to evoke a response from people on Facebook so you can engage with people. If you are in that much need of attention, post a trailer of cool movie coming up or something like “Rashida Jones is the best right?” I promise you will get more of response and then you can trap them in to your agendas that will make people sigh, block and move on.

PIERS MORGAN

First, I’m not a huge fan of the puddy faced Piers, who attacks seem like whines and his bromance buddies Harvey Weinstein and Donny Deutch filling in when Piers is gone for what is the most self-assured stomach turning hour on televison. Having said that, I’m giving handclaps to how strong and the never let up reporting Piers is doing on gun control. But when you bring on a mother who is still completely in shock and denial and clearly not mentally ready discuss the loss of her 13 month old being murdered, it comes across as shock value, and quite frankly disgusting. Could you not have waited at least another week before bringing her on? I know it’s good ratings but I think even Piers instantly realized this was a mistake. I realize we have to be extreme right now with gun control and have to show how the real way it affects people, but sometimes a line has to be crossed. And again, I appreciate the full on attack mode Piers is bringing to his show, and his passion, but slow your roll and think for a moment before you bring a mother on your show who just days before witnessed her 13 month old being shot in the face, or at least give her some time to grieve before you make shock television. It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved.

JOHN BOEHNER

You glossy eyed disgrace. How you look yourself in the mirror each night is beyond me. I’m not saying Obama is doing everything on point, but why is the pure evil we continually see out of the GOP just strait up bullying? Both parties are at fault in many ways, I won’t argue that. But John Boehner’s face/teary eyes and bellicose vibe is so sickening I can only assume he sleeps with a whisky soaked baby pacifier each night as he rocks back and forth thinking about the lobbyist he’s continually ties himself to that make those teary eyes of his look like eyes of someone who hates himself inside. Take a nap, a very long 20.

DON’T BE COMEDIAN ON TWITTER

I get it; this is a fairly fine line. Sometimes I think of a funny observation I’d like to make, then instantly realize it would be a one off. Twitter is great for many reasons, and I get the majority of my news and breaking news from Twitter. But just as I wouldn’t try to break news because that’s not my responsibility, or offer recipes to 5 minute health dishes, or give love advice, it’s always not my responsibility to make jokes, because I’m not a comedian. There are countless brilliant comedians and writers on Twitter who do this for us. I mean, of course if you experience a funny situation by all means share it. But it’s easy to follow some of the genius funny people who make people laugh for living and think “I could do that,” but, I’m sorry, you can’t. People trying to replicate professionals just because it’s a platform that allows you to share and say whatever you want, doesn’t mean you should share and say whatever you want. If some perfect joke or observation strikes you, take a 20, and I promise after that you will be over it and can move on to retweeting the goods from the best. TC Mark

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