Many guys find it embarrassing and frustrating to be single, especially if it is for an extended period. When they finally work up the nerve to express some frustration about this, everyone from their mothers to their best buddies line up to offer well-meaning advice—and most of it is horrible. Here are five examples every guy has heard at some point.
1. “Be yourself.”
It sounds affirming and positive, but when a guy has been single (and possibly lonely) for a while, “being himself” has been the problem. If he dresses like a slob, can’t practice basic grooming, and is so insecure he hasn’t approached a girl in ages, rather than “being himself,” he may want to try improving himself instead.
2. “You need to get out more.”
Sure, this sounds like a great solution for the guy who spent the last week playing video games, eating Doritos, and forgoing showers in the process. But the problem is that “getting out more” doesn’t mean a guy has the skills to meet a girl once he actually gets out. In fact, spending a week or two in the basement learning about how to look his best and developing an attractive, funny, and confident personality might be more helpful than just simply “getting out” without the social skills to meet anybody.
3. “Join a club or group.”
Getting around likeminded people sounds like a great plan to meet a girl, but the problem is that attraction doesn’t work that way. That girl in the anime club could be dating a star football player who hates anime, and the pretty and nice girl at church could be in a long-term relationship with a motorcycle riding ex-con. Just because they share similar interests doesn’t mean she will be attracted to him.
4. “Get buff, bro!”
We all know guys who spend all day in the gym working their biceps with their hats backwards and grunting, while hard rock music blares. They gladly tell single guys to become just like them! The problem is that women don’t exactly race to date these guys. Gaining muscle mass and losing fat are both good things, since they make you more physically attractive and raise testosterone levels (which women seem to find attractive in guys). However, turning into a full-on bodybuilder or musclehead will just make you the envy of other guys (and maybe not even that).
5. “Be patient: The right girl will come along soon.”
If I were bleeding profusely and an EMT showed up and said, “Don’t worry man, I’ll stop the blood flow in a few hours,” I would have good reason to be upset. Yet well-meaning people love telling single guys if they simply wait indefinitely, somehow their singleness will magically end. Being attractive and entering into relationships (and sustaining them) aren’t mysterious tasks. Instead of waiting an inordinate amount of time and hoping for the best, guys can learn what women find attractive and get a date right now.