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Jonathan Taylor Thomas Franzen Foer

On my way out, I was told I’d been banned from the Arclight for life, which I felt was acceptable, as they charge too much and people talk during the movies anyway. It was more important that I uncover the hidden meaning behind this relationship between Jonathan Safran Foer, Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

I Want To Date You Online

There is one element that all of my failed relationships share. Through all the many variations of womanhood that I have been familiar with, but a single thread carries through all of these dalliances. They involved a heavy amount of physical intimacy.

Not Everything Is About 9/11

Just because you can squeeze tenuous meaning out of a symbol, a gesture, a word, a sentence, a picture or a grunt does not mean that the meaning is absolute. If meaning were absolute in a piece of art, it ceases to have a necessary element of art. It does not give a person the chance to decide for themselves.

I Interviewed An Indie Rock Superstar

This non-dead Max Black ended up being very helpful. I engaged in a 30 minute Gchat conversation that spanned numerous topics of interest. When we were done, I had a new sense of clarity regarding the Lana Del Rey phenomenon, my own struggle with notoriety and the nature of existence.

I Wear Fake Glasses

I wear glasses that are not prescription. My glasses are not real, in the sense that they do not help me see, but saying they are not real is actually absurd. They are very real, based on our shared definition of what constitutes ‘glasses.’ They have frames. They have lenses inside those frames.

My First Girlfriend

There are many dark moments in my sexual history to ruminate on. I have endured terrible break-ups. I’ve had a girl leave me because she was afraid I’d turn out to be gay. To this day, I feel that I disappointed her. Tessa, if you are reading this, I tried. I really tried to be gay. I bought the book. I followed all the steps. I studied. I got all my suits dry cleaned. I even picked out a guy or two. Like a fad diet, it just didn’t stick.

Your High School Reunion Is Going To Suck

I hope you all remember me. I’m Jasmine! I was Senior Class President way back in 2002. I know, that’s like, forever ago, but they’re memories I cherish. I’m sure you feel the same way, which is why you’re going to be SO STOKED to find out that it’s finally time for us to start planning our big 10 year Class Reunion!

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