Elliot Rodger, the monster who went on a shooting rampage in Santa Barbara, ostensibly committed his vile act because he felt persecuted by women who rejected his sexual advances. In a note CNN said he sent to his parents, Rodger describes the “beautiful girlfriend I know I deserve.”
As a man, I can tell you that we don’t “deserve” anything, especially not attention from women. The world does not bow to your whim, even if you have a penis. Believe me, I’ve tried. Good luck getting a bank loan after screaming, “I HAVE A PENIS” really loudly in a crowd of people.
Dealing with rejection and acknowledging the right of every person to love or not love who they want is part of being a grown-up. No one will ever love you if you don’t respect them and their wishes. If they don’t want you, they don’t want you. Rejection is actually the best thing that can happen to you, if you can believe that.
These are all the times I’ve been rejected by a girl in my life (at least the ones I can remember — if you didn’t make this list, please get in touch and I will apologize):
1. When I was 3, my first “girlfriend” dumped me because she found a cuter 3-year-old.
2. When I was 5, I bought a 13-year-old girl candy on Valentine’s Day and asked her to date me. She said no.
3. At 13, I never went to any school dance that required a date because every girl turned me down.
4. In high school, I had my second “girlfriend.” We “dated” for “six days” before she “dumped me” due to her insistence that there was no spark. After six days.
5. In college, I got drunk and made out with a girl everyone mocked for being overweight. The next day, she refused to acknowledge that it happened.
6. I finally lost my virginity at the age of 21, but the girl refused to date me because she was in love with a guy who had recently attempted suicide.
7. I made a pass on one of my roommates, who politely declined my offer.
8. I started dating a girl that I thought was a lesbian. She dumped me after a month and went back to being a lesbian.
9. I fell for a classmate in my film directing class. She said she was “too crazy” to date me.
[I dated someone for three years who I cheated on and was emotionally distant from.]
10. I had a lot of casual hookups with women who did not return my text messages.
11. I had an affair with one of the managers at the Urban Outfitters I worked at, even though she had a boyfriend who was away for work in San Diego. She ended the relationship despite my tearful protests. Her reason was that what we were doing was totally improper and wrong. I ended up losing my job a few weeks later.
12. I went on a date with a co-worker at another job, but got too drunk on our first date. I became very passive-aggressive toward her after she rejected me and it ruined our friendship.
13. I had a long-distance relationship that lasted six months. I got dumped over the phone a few days before we planned to meet up. Her reason was that she wasn’t ready to commit to anyone.
14. I dated yet another co-worker from yet another job, and she dumped me because she said she didn’t want to be in a relationship.
15. I went on a date with a girl who was an ex-heroin addict. We had sex on the first date, but she dumped me soon after because she felt she wasn’t stable enough to date anyone due to the strain of her recovery.
Now, I’m engaged to a woman that I deeply love, who loves me back. I wouldn’t have met her if all those women above didn’t reject me, or if I hadn’t respected them for their decisions.