What You Go Through When You Begin To Hate Someone You Used To Love

Suhyeon Choi

Hating someone was scary because I ended up hating myself for it. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t just wake up any day, any morning to decide I’m going to hate that person today or maybe I did. Maybe I just wanted them to know what it feels like to be pushed away, to be hard-hearted towards me who didn’t know what went wrong, to be trampled on with contempt, to be hurt.

To be hurt, is to be hated and accepting that I can be hated means I have the right to hate too.

So I did. I hated the person with all my might, but I started to doubt if it’s a petty thing to do

like a little girl wailing over a melted Popsicle. Where do I stand if I can’t learn to forgive nor forget? Do I become a bad person, or was I never good in the first place?

It took me a while to understand this; Time unfolds itself, and so do we humans. I can’t stop a Popsicle from melting just like how I can’t stop someone from hurting me, but I can stop myself from hating someone – I can choose to make the right decision.

Before I figured that out, I had to go through a forlorn or rather a lesson worth cycle. Some people think hating someone is a crime, I do too, only because we won’t be doing any justice to ourselves.

Hate is a strong word because it’s powerful enough to make you, who is willing to fall for its schemes, feel hopeless, but we’re unaware it needs the accompaniment of so many other emotions before it can be crowned as strong. We hate because we fear, we hate because we’re jealous, we hate because we love, we hate because we’re sad. The truth is; Hate is a pitiful word on its own.

So the reason why I’m writing this article is to tell you that you don’t need hate to get over anything. You just need self-love, plenty of it. We’re lucky enough to have options; forgive and forget. If they are not good enough, let go. Trust me, either will take you to a good path. In a way, we’ll only get stronger. We’ll learn to be empathetic, more compassionate. Most importantly, to not hurt anyone the same way we’ve been hurt. If you can avoid or are going through any of these stages, I hope you can join me to fight against hate and make more space for love because we deserve it.

1. The ‘you-can’t-hate-them’ stage.

You’re in utter disbelief and denial. In this stage love is too strong to be defeated and so are you. You’re not broken because you choose not to hate them. Sadly, forgiving and forgetting are not part of your options to choose from. A little doubt unconsciously stays in you. You’re just hoping, that person would be good enough to not have done something that will hurt you, to the point that forgiving and forgetting are deemed unnecessary.

2. Disappointment.

The color of love starts to fade. What you hoped for never came true. The feeling when someone you love disappoints you. The feeling when you see a whole new side of them unravelled through their dislike for you. Every action or word they do/say re-emphasizes the ugly truth of them hurting you. The raise in their voice, the reluctance of doing something as small as being there for you. You’re starting to realise you are in fact, deeply hurt and broken.

3. Avoidance.

You’re slowly starting to develop hate whether it’s forceful or not. Anywhere this person is, you won’t be. You’re not confronting them and you think you’re punishing them. By ignoring and hating, you want them to know they’re paying for hurting you. Vindictiveness. You are bold, applauding them for their brazen sudden harsh treatment they think you will withstand.

4. The ‘why’ stage.

This is the stage where questions, doubts, the issue of self-hate and tears are brought up. You don’t realise what you’re doing to yourself while you’re hating the person. You’re depressed, plunged into sorrow led on by hate. You wonder why, just why they had to hurt you and why, just why, you had to hate them. This is when you realise you’re not good at hating. You can’t completely hate the person and you hate yourself for it.

The reason for it is simple. We are not born haters. Something or someone might have lulled us into this corner, but we can fight it. Hate is not meant for us nor should it have any space in this beautiful world filled with life and warmth.

We are born to love and until we realize that we’ll continue fighting for love. TC mark

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