I constantly have a million ideas running through my brain at once. One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received was a small notebook titled “Little Book for Big Ideas.” I am constantly pulling this out and writing down my newest business idea that I’m sure will make me millions. Every other week I have another plan or scheme developed in my head that will “change my life forever.” The amount of lists that describe these ideas is absurd. I am finding them in every pocket, purse, nook and cranny imaginable.
I never get very far though. I will talk and talk and talk about them until I run out of breath. I see the eyes roll and the sighs of “okay, sure” whenever I talk about my next adventure. Grad school? That lasted about two weeks until I realized you have to take a test just to apply. Peace Corps? I can’t even commit to my lunch decision let alone two years of my life volunteering. Even though I’m the planner of my group of friends, I somehow can’t get it together enough to plan out the smallest parts of my life.
That’s why it came as such a shock to my friends, family, and especially me that I’m picking up and moving. The idea came out of nowhere and I think that’s why it is actually happening. I told everyone I knew the second I decided. I forced myself to go. I couldn’t turn back now, I’ve broken way too many promises over my lifetime and this wasn’t going to be one of them.
After a few months of planning, I’m off in about a week. The questions are always the same: “Why?”, “Do you have a job?”, “Do you know anyone?”, “Do you have an apartment?”, “Do you even have any money to do this?”
I should just write my answers on a sign draped across my body that reads: I’m moving. Just because — no job — no money — living with a stranger from craigslist — satisfied?
The looks I receive are absolutely hilarious but frightening at the same time, because I know what you are thinking and I am thinking the same exact thing: “What!?!”
This has to be the most difficult week of my entire life. I find myself filled with excitement one minute and immersed with dread the next. The random crying sessions have become so frequent; I now carry around a box of tissues. Luckily, allergy season has given me an excuse to have huge puffy, red eyes and a constant sniffle. I am being pulled in a million directions trying to see as many people as possible. This doesn’t leave me with much time or room to get anything done.
My life is in a beautiful chaos right now and I can’t do anything but embrace it. This is happening and it is happening fast. I’ve come to realize how much I appreciate everyone in my life. Thinking about leaving the greatest friends anyone could ask for (indefinitely) is gut-wrenching but then thinking about meeting fascinating people I never even knew existed is exhilarating.
I know I’m scared, I know I will miss my friends and family in such a sickening and unhealthy way, I know I will be lonely at first and I know it will be a struggle. I also know overcoming this fear will allow me to conquer anything, I know my friends and family will always be there for me, I know I will have the adventures of a lifetime and I know the struggle will make me a stronger person. For this, I am grateful and I am ready.