1. You see that bad boy and he grabs your attention with just one look. You swear to yourself this will be nothing serious, you know the game he is playing and you’re fine with it.
2. You found your newest and greatest drinking buddy. You make all of the wrong yet perfect decisions together. Boredom is a word neither of you know when you’re together. You tell everyone this is just fun, a distraction, a fling. You assure your friends he means nothing to you.
3. These drunken nights lead to drunken talks. You hear his deepest and darkest secrets. You occasionally see him cry, even if he would never admit it in the morning.
4. Your life becomes just as messy and out of control as his. You’ve taken on his lifestyle, but you don’t care. Nothing matters anymore. You’ve started to break that one promise you’ve made to yourself, you’ve started to fall and you’re falling hard.
5. In order to get your life together, you decide it is time to his together as well. You try to become a great influence. The drunken talks lead to you really listening and responding to what he has to say. You care. You will do whatever it takes for them to understand someone is finally there for them. The effort you put in is unreal. The amount of money you spend on them could pay for a private island. Yet, you don’t care. This will all be worth it in the end. They will appreciate you, they will realize how much they love and need you, and you are making a difference in another human’s life.
6. You are wrong.
7. Enough is enough. You can’t stand the thought of ruining your entire life over someone you promised would mean nothing to you. The worst part? You know you mean nothing to him. Your texts go unanswered for hours and when you finally receive a call, it is 2 AM. Your friends have no sympathy for how broke you are, they know how much money you’ve invested into this person and they’ve warned you.
8. You were in such denial. You tell your best friends “you don’t understand what it is like when we are alone. You don’t hear what he says to me when we have serious conversations”. The truth is, whether you want to admit it or not, he was drunk. Everything he says and does is because he wants something from you and you finally start to understand this.
9. And yet, you can’t stop. One text message asking for a favor, one call begging you to come over, one sweet word to make you feel on top again and you are running to his house with bags of groceries, boxes of wine and a carton of cigarettes.
10. In-between all of these stages, you are finally sick of it. You are done. You deserve so much better and you will finally be a bitch. You will finally tell him no. The amount of pep talks you give yourself takes up the majority of time in your life. You got this.
11. Repeat stages 2-10.
You will always want to be their knight in shining armor. You take pride in the amount of fucking shit you can do for them. You hate yourself. You get so angry but you can’t stop. It is a disease, a sickness. They will never be fixed, they will never care, they will never be who you want them to. Their words are false, their feelings are lies, they want you and your attention but that’s it. You feel empty without them and yet you feel so empty with them.