The other day when I opened my Words With Friends™ app, the current game I was playing came up all screwy, with extra letters and misalignments as seen in the accompanying screen shot. I realized that most of them looked like words (sort of), so of course I felt compelled to create definitions for them.
1. macraftynjoy (v.) – To derive great pleasure from the creation of artwork made by gluing pieces of uncooked macaroni noodles onto construction paper.
2. gearly (adv.) – In an overly complex mechanical manner, with the emotionless motion of a cog in a machine: “He loves her gearly.” Often used to describe couples that become “engaged.” See also: Spirographic.
3. zitil (n.) – The prominent and pus-filled pimple that forms rapidly on the nose or forehead prior to a first date or job interview.
4. qifeed (v.) –To subsist on a diet of nothing but foods containing the letter Q, including but not limited to quince, kumquat, squash, Quaker oats and quinoa (unfortunately all of the yummy ice cream items on a DQ menu do not qualify). Qifeed is also used to describe the act of alienating those around you, by making a big deal about your weird new eating habits: “I lost 6 pounds and 9 friends since I started qifeeding.”
5. hitcle (v.) – To tickle someone relentlessly to the point that they develop a case of the hiccups lasting 3 weeks.
6. duery (n.) – The combined state of panic, dread, melancholy and helplessness felt when one has multiple school or work-related projects/papers with approaching deadlines and due dates, yet has neither started nor completed any of them.
7. gabnqid (n.) – The overly talkative stranger sitting next to you on an airplane. The only thing “non-stop” about your flight is the incessant prattling you will endure for the next 4 hours. His repeated attempts to engage you in vacuous conversation are not thwarted by any combination of disinterested body language, such as the laser-like staring into your magazine or the “Look, idiot, I’m napping” eyes closed head nod.
8. vanrslime (v.) – To demonstrate one’s own pompous vanity by willfully making unfounded and inflammatory remarks about someone else: “Most talk radio personalities spend their time vanrsliming.”
9. firi (n.) – The word you forget to type when texting that turns an innocent message from mundane to profane. For example, you want to write “The dog is chewing on one of my tennis balls,” and you leave out the word “tennis.”
10. dnwn (v.) – Opposite of the video game originated word “pwn” (to be completely dominated and humiliated by another). To dnwm, therefore, is to fail miserably and humiliate yourself.
11. tbegs (n.) – The dregs of tea that manage to escape from a tea bag.
12. rudexit (n.) – The long, disruptive, mid-event departure by an audience member or meeting participant, during which no attempt is made to be discreet, quiet or unobtrusive.
13. criw (n.) – The extraneous bracket, fastener, bolt, hex nut, or other unrecognizable doohickey that is left over after assembling a piece of furniture or exercise equipment. Typically ends up tossed in a junk drawer next to a brush attachment for a vacuum cleaner you got rid of 12 years ago.
14. ip (n.) – Any annoying, intrusive pop-up on a smartphone app, such as “CandyBlaster would like to use your current location.” Why? How will the app enhance my gameplay knowing I’m stuck between flights in Topeka? Or “Please log in using Facebook.” I don’t think so. My friends don’t need to know how much time I waste on this game! And let’s not forget “Please activate push notifications.” Why don’t you push THIS, CandyBlaster?