1. The correct hand signal for a left turn:
A. is next to impossible when the bursitis in your elbow is flaring up.
B. may also indicate that you’re having a stroke.
C. doesn’t mean a thing to you kids with your cell phones and rock and roll!
2. When turning onto a one-way street you should be driving:
A. everyone else crazy with your erratic speed and constant swerving.
B. the correct direction this time.
C. an American-made Lincoln Continental Town Car, dammit!
3.You are required to pay a fine for a moving violation ticket. You must:
A. demand a senior discount.
B. contact AARP about filing an age discrimination lawsuit.
C. forget about eating this month, due to your fixed income.
4. You notice a police car with flashing blue lights behind you. This means:
A. there’s a great sale happening at Kmart.
B. you are being offered a police escort to the bingo hall.
C. the nice officer saw your bumper sticker and would like to ask you about your grandkids.
5. Which of the following statements about blind spots is true?
A. They get worse when wearing those huge drug store “death ray” sunglasses that fit over your already freakishly oversized prescription frames.
B. They may occur when a struck pedestrian is sprawled across the windshield.
C. They are not covered by most HMOs.
6. If you are taking a prescription drug, what should you do before driving?
A. That reminds me, did I remember to take my morning pills?
B. How should I know? Thanks to Obamacare, I can’t afford any medicine!
C. Ensure that an erection lasting 4 hours won’t interfere with ability to steer.
7. When driving in fog you should use your:
A. keen sense of smell.
B. emergency flare, being careful to keep it away from your oxygen tank.
C. I’m not in a fog! I’m still sharp as a tack, mister!
8. You recently sold your RV. What must you do within 5 days?
A. Remove the “We’re Spending Our Children’s Inheritance” bumper sticker.
B. Remove all 27 cats (living and/or dead).
C. Remove all mangled bicycle parts from the front grillwork.
9. A school bus ahead of you in your lane is stopped with red lights flashing. You should:
A. tell those noisy punks to pipe the hell down!
B. hit the horn repeatedly while shouting unintelligible, Yosemite Sam-style profanities.
C. take your afternoon nap.
10. You cannot park your vehicle:
A. until you’ve backed-up traffic for 10 minutes while waiting for the closest spot to open up.
B. without bashing into at least two other cars in the process.
C. halfway through the front window of a Starbucks.
11. How far before making a turn should you activate your turn signal?
A. 1000 ft.
B. Nine city blocks.
C. My signal has been on continuously since 1952.
12. You arrive at a 4-way stop intersection at the same time as a car on your left. Do you have the right of way?
A. Well, I don’t know about all that, but did I ever tell you about the time me and Jimmy Dugan got caught stealing apples from old man Higgins orchard?
B. Hell, yes! I’m a veteran of 3 wars! I fought for my right of way, dammit!
C. What car?