20 Things You Never Want To Hear From Your Roommate
By Darina Snell
Share a house they said…You’ll have roommates from hell they never said! And if that’s not true for everyone out there (I know people who formed some amazing friendships), moving in with other people is challenging, especially if you don’t know them. Everyone is different and when these differences collide you can witness all sorts of situations. Here are a few things you never ever want to hear from a roommate:
1. “I’m taking up electrical guitar/drums”
Couldn’t you pick knitting, or some other quiet hobby?!?
2. “I have another load of laundry after this one”
It is either this, or he/she has forgotten their clothes in the washing machine, for the 2030485th time.
3. “I love caramelized onion & prosciutto pizza, even though it makes me gassy.”
4. “I hope you are a heavy-sleeper”
Why? What are you going to do? Why? Why would you say that?
5. “You are so good with the vacuum cleaner, do you mind if you do the cleaning?”
Tough one…Living with a messy person is one of the worst things ever. Like seriously, how can they walk pass a pile of clutter on the floor and not notice it?
6. “I have an Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome (UARS)”
In case you don’t know this is also referred to as severe snoring. Go out in the morning and you will see the pile of wood chopped by your chainsaw of a roommate, if you don’t believe me!
7. “You are so pretty when you sleep!”
WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
8. “Damn, this room is even smaller than my cell! I hope you don’t need much space.”
The awkward moment when you realize you might become your roommate’s bitch.
9. “I think I might have lice. Would you take a look as well, please!”
Before you start burning sheets and all his/her belongings, check out the emergency exit plan of your building.
10. “Have I told you about Miryam? She is my lucky tarantula! Do you want to touch her?”
11.”My parents will come over this Tuesday… for two weeks”
12. “My dog chewed your favourite toms.”
13. “I lost my toothbrush, I hope you don’t mind I borrowed yours.”
Roommates often become close, some even more than it is socially acceptable. It might be the case that just because you share a home and certain aspects of your life, your roommate believes they can get completely comfortable using your toiletries, eating your food and basically borrowing everything you own.
14. “I think I forgot to turn off the oven…”
It gets even worse when you realize you both used the oven yesterday!
15. “I hope you don’t mind I made a larger-than-life One Direction collage for our room!”
16. “I suggest we use this corner for an altar!”
Congratulations! Of all the freaks out there, you came across the worst type. Prepare for long creepy nights of calling the Queen of Spades, or sacrificing pigeons in the name of the Mother Goddess.
17. “I ate your last double chocolate chip cookie”
You are not stingy and you always share sweets with your roommate, but it is this last double chocolate chip cookie that makes you want to put her body in a bag!
18. “Oh, did I press the snooze button again?!”
Yeah, 5 times this morning, 2 hours before I had to be up, you moron!
19. “Do you know that an animal died a painful, cruel death, so you can enjoy this steak?”
There is nothing wrong in being concerned for the environment, but this particular type of roommate will chase you around the flat and blame you for the climate change and the extinction of the rain forest, just because you left him a note on a piece of paper.
20. “I’m moving out tomorrow”
You didn’t see that one coming… Let it sink for a minute! It is not unusual to find out that your roommate had a sudden epiphany to go move in with someone else, to quit university, or to take up life on the road for some soul-searching. It might even be the case that he/she is making all this up so they can get rid of you. Oh, well… Maybe you were the weird roommate after all.