Men, You Aren’t Getting Sex From Me Until You Take Me On A Date (Like, A Real One)


There is no concept of dating in young America anymore. You will rarely hear gossip about so-and-so taking such-and-such to dinner, but can be assured you will find out the details from someone, text by text, the minute your roommate’s friend you kind-of-met-at-that-one-bar stays the night with the cute guy in your psychology class. Romantically incompetent, it is pretty much blatantly obvious that no one in college has any real idea of what a true “relationship” is anymore.

We are, though, all too familiar with concepts that describe everything but dating: talking, hooking-up, texting, snapchatting.

Listed no where in those few pitiful things, though, is the actual word that our generation is attempting to allude to: dating.

I know, boys, sometimes texting a girl is just too much work. But you want to mess around with her tonight, so maybe a “what’s up” and a quick conversation will be enough to get her to drive to your place later, right?

It could be because of the prevalence of hookup culture in our age group, but there’s a dangerous epidemic overcoming the young people of today that no one seems to realize. The majority of today’s 20-somethings have no concept of what a real date actually consists of. In a dream world, I would meet a guy, and we would share a flirty yet innocent conversation, and maybe exchange numbers.

He would call within the next day or so, and ask me on—get this—a date. Not “hanging out” or “doing something,” an actual, pre-planned, pick-you-up-at-7’o’clock date. And on said date, maybe we would go to dinner, or a movie, or the zoo, or the park. And at the end of the night, when he dropped me off and walked me to my door, I would give him a kiss on the cheek, or even on the lips if I really wanted to show him how interested I was.

But the truth is, I know how laughter and eye roll inducing that is to you. You and I both know what goes on the real world: Johnny-Frat-Boy will meet me at a party, drunk, (or stoned, or crossed. I’ve had all three). And if he doesn’t try to make out with me after a half-assed attempt of asking me what my major is, I will receive a text from him the following evening, asking if I want to come to his dorm, or apartment, or God forbid, the frat house, to “hang out.”

This “hang out” will more or less consist of him utilizing every “subtle” method possible to get me on whatever couch/bed/futon/whatever-the-fuck is nearby so we can “watch a movie,” which within fifteen minutes of he will so smoothly attempt to simultaneously shove his tongue in my mouth while rubbing my upper thigh. He’ll then proceed to attempt to go as far as he can before I move his hand away. Sounds great, right?

You’re probably going to call me old fashioned, or a bitch, or high maintenance, or something of the like. But I’m not asking to be treated like a princess, I’m asking to be treated with respect.

I’m not asking for you to pay for everything, every time. Hell, I’m not even asking you for an extensive, lavishly organized outing. All I’m asking for here is a little effort. A little respect.

Our generation in society has become so focused on a self-centered schedule, that oftentimes we only do what is beneficial do ourselves — regardless of the feelings of others. Sparingly, this can be a good thing, as it is important to be a little selfish in your young adult years, to truly find out who you are and what drives you. But unfortunately, the bad attributes of this attitude translate into the romantic world. Minimal effort for maximum benefit. (a.k.a, young men simply skipping to the “beneficial” part of a relationship: sex).

Now guys, I’m not condemning you. I’m not condemning sex, or even hook-ups, no matter how damaging to traditional relationships they might be. But for the guys who are “dating” girls in this way, try and keep one thing in mind: people are not things. Women are not things.

Be clear with your intentions; I have seen far too many girls shed tears over boys who said anything to get them in to bed and then hit them with the response-less “Read 10:21 PM.”

Yeah, you probably won’t end up marrying this girl. I know that. But, if you call her your girlfriend, or even the “girl you’re talking to,” for one reason or another you made some sort of effort to get her attention in the first place. Will it kill you, then, to make her smile by spending the day with her on a thoughtfully planned outing, and not expect her to repay you sexually at the end of the night?

I know that may be a lot to ask. And to the girls who are distraught, yet continue to put up with this: don’t. A date that consists of bad Netflix on a couch and ends with a sexual favor isn’t a date at all. You’d think you boys would be able to figure that out, considering you think with two heads. I can see that, and I only have one. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog