Exchange your dollar bills to British bank notes. Your 20 bucks should be around 12 quid. Go directly to the till, unless of course there’s a queue. (Which is another word for line.)
Find an apartment to live in. I’m not sure if you’ll find apartments, but there should be many flats advertised.
You need to learn how to use the subway, so get acquainted with the tube map.
Ditch your roaming cellphone for a local mobile.
If you need to transport furniture, don’t go looking for truck rental services, but do search for a lorry. Many flats, especially in London, actually come furnished, so you’ll probably just need a few household items which are likely to fit into a car boot. (That’s a trunk.)
You can rent a car, but only do so if you can drive well on wonky lanes on the other side of the road and handle endless roundabouts. When you’re low on gas, you’ll have to top up at the petrol station. Make sure the car is in good condition because going flat is not exclusive to tires; your car battery (or any other battery) can go flat as well.
Remember to get a hoover for your flat if it’s carpeted.
It gets cold in the winter, but you won’t really find comforters. That should be fine; duvets are much better anyway.
Register with a doctor as usual at a local surgery, but you’ll need to get your meds from a chemist.
If you cut yourself, you’ll have to forego band aids. Use sticking plasters.
Check out the pubs for a traditional British dining experience.
Don’t order lemonade, unless you’re happy to settle for a Sprite.
If your waiter asks if you would like some chips with your order, say “aye” if you want some fries. But if you actually want chips, then go to the grocers and you shouldn’t have a problem finding crisps.
You’ll need to use a public restroom at some point; ask the bloke next to you to point you to the nearest loo. If he asks for a fag, don’t have a go at him; he is merely inquiring if you have a cigarette.
If someone asks you where the rubbish is, point to the nearest trash can.
If you go to the gym, make sure you pack your workout clothes and trainers in your rucksack.
If you go to a mall, don’t ask for pants unless you’re looking to buy underwear. Instead, ask the sales attendant where to find trousers. If you ask for vests, he will show you some undershirts. At that point, you should remember that they are actually called waistcoats.
Your sales attendant will probably tell you to take the lift to the 3rd floor, but he’s really referring to the 4th.
If the sales attendant offers to show you some braces, there’s nothing dental about it – he really means suspenders.
If someone asks for a torch, don’t try to start a fire, but look for a flashlight.
Blimey! That cabbie almost hit you. Make sure you look right first and then left when crossing the street. Even better, you should walk on the pavement as much as you can.
If you get invited to a pool party, they’ll tell you to bring a swimming costume. Don’t go searching for a costume – that doesn’t mean it’s a pool and costume party; just bring your normal bathing suit.
You’ll have to do some small talk at the party. Talk about the weather – the Brits love whinging about the weather. Alternatively, ask them what they like to watch on the telly. Whatever you say, don’t ever say the word soccer, since the Brits are huge football fanatics, and calling it soccer may be sacrilegious.
If you want to describe someone as ghetto, say he’s a chav, and the Brits will know exactly what you mean. If you find something to be classy, then describe it as posh. If you think someone’s particularly attractive, you probably fancy her.
If someone asks if she could borrow your rubber, she’s not talking about birth control; she probably just needs to erase something.
If someone is acting like a douche, call him a wanker, and tell him to sod off.
If he sues you for defamation of character, call a solicitor to get some legal advice. If he doesn’t pick up, leave a message on his answerphone.
And when you want to take off just give a many thanks, and cheerio!