What It’s Like To Be On The Other End Of The Friendzone
By Daphne Sze
He walks into your life, initially offering pure friendship out of the desire to meet more people. He extends his arm to shake yours, and offers small talk and a polite smile. A couple of days have passed and he starts sharing memories and adventures with you. Out of sheer excitement at a blossoming friendship, you open up your fortresses to let him in, knowing fully that he is there to stay as a friend, not a lover. At this point, there is no sign of a change in intentions – he fully assures you that he is after companionship and nothing else.
Somehow, days grow longer into weeks, months and a year. A friendship turned into a blossoming romance – or so he thought. There were no mixed signals nor flirting; he just reckoned maybe it’s a good time to take the risk. He tells you he likes you for who you are. He doesn’t care if you’re weird and full of eccentricities. Neither does he care about your habits and quirky ways. Along the lines of hanging out and doing heart-to-heart talks, he fell for the girl he never thought he would fall for. He fell for all the right reasons: the pure intention, the comfortable silence, the quirky banters, the honest, surreal and random moments, and you stood there innocent against his now-raging emotions. You treated his efforts as a brother willing to protect his sister, his sweetness as a token of kindness, his aggressiveness as a playful taunt. Never has it ever dawned you that he likes you – not in a million years. You treated him as your wingman, your close friend and your confidant – to you he is a friend and nothing more. Now on to the tricky part, he confesses his feelings. How do you respond? Years of friendship, adventures and connection on the line – where do you stand?
It leaves you two options – compromise or leave. The latter would be too harsh, the former too subtle. No guy would want to stick with you knowing he has unrequited feelings. It would be too harsh to say that we are attracted to the people who hurt us, but we are. Regardless of how the rejection took place, a grounded friendship will veer away for a while to heal and forget, and then go back to normal – this is the more favorable of the two situations. It’s not an easy option, as it takes patience, compromise and a lot of understanding. Likewise, it is just as normal to get mad, and to fill our hearts with bitterness and the hatred of not allowing others to have a chance. However, claiming that you’re stuck in the friendzone is as deluded as saying you weren’t in it for the risk.
More often than not, people exaggerate the meaning of getting stuck in the friendzone. Men think that women do it on purpose, but we don’t – it is how it is. It’s a natural process emphasizing that we can’t have everything we want. We all knew love was a gamble, so there’s no point in complaining. Every guy knew exactly what he was going into when he confesses his intentions. Be it a hit or miss – it’s a gamble he is willing to risk, and the friendzone is no excuse for this. People who blame the friendzone are cowards who choose to think that the girl never gave them a chance; but in truth, every girl has thoroughly weighed out the pros and cons before rejecting guys. It may be a matter of timing or priorities, of readiness and willingness to commit. Either way, a rational girl will never reject you without a purpose.
So the next time guys blame it on the friendzone, remember that ‘being stuck in the friendzone’ is not a scapegoat. It is a concept we fool ourselves to accept rejection.