An Open Letter To The Guy Who Played And “Swayze’d” Me

What’s up, ketchup? What’s cookin’, good lookin’? Okay enough. Anyways, since you didn’t have the fucking guts to respond to my final text (is it really that hard to use your thumb or something, type in a single “no” or whatever excuses you may think of, like seriously?), I have no choice but to reach out to you in an unorthodox manner, yes, publishing this letter for everyone to read! OMG! How exciting!!! (this is sarcasm in case your mind’s slowly functioning again)

These are the things I was supposed to tell you when you just decided to give me the cold shoulder instead. (Ouch?) I mean, come on. I was ready to finally let it all out, no holds barred. But oh well, you might already have closed the doors. Guess you left me the option to go kick those doors down myself. I guess it’s time for me to introduce to you my inner bitch.

You may think I’m crying or being an emotional wreck right now, but dude, I’m far from it. In fact, I’m celebrating, to say the least. Celebrating the fact that I am back to being my old emotionally-stable, awesome and fantastic self, even better than ever. Forgive me for being too self-praising, but that’s the truth, yo. The only reason why I was overly vulnerable during that one fine night was because I thought that I’d be relocating for good, and you had to enter my then-rollercoaster-world. You had to talk about all those drama nonsense about us not seeing each other anymore, and being in a vulnerable state, of course, I fell for it. I was being dramatic, thinking that you were really someone good for me, with all those words of encouragement, humor, oozing hotness that makes panties of teenage girls drop (not really, just trying to further boost your inflated ego, and show you more of my sarcastic side), and chivalrous attitude (which later turned out to be a mask). So, yeah. That’s what got me crying like a total bitch. And for that, I thank you. That was actually the second time I cried like that. Looking back to it actually made me realize that that was really stupid of me to cry over you. I forgive myself though. That moment was totally uncalled for.

So, let’s get down and dirty. No sugar-coating. So, what really happened? I mean, we were enjoying each other’s company for quite some time now. What really went wrong? Was it me? You? You see, I don’t really get you. You said you wanted to take things slow, yet during the first few weeks, you’ve been wanting to hang out with me, even leaving hints that we’d be living together in the future. You’ve been wasting your effort on me, getting to know me on a deeper level, and revealing so much about yourself for such a short time that we’ve known each other. So, tell me, that’s how you’re taking things slow? I call bullshit. From what I can see, you’ve gotten bored with me, so you decided to go Casper on me, fading away slowly and slowly until you’re there no more. I mean, if you were man enough, you could have just been blunt with me and told me that you no longer wanna hang out, instead of putting me in that position. That could have made it easier for the both of us. I understood at first that you were probably just busy with your life, but something wasn’t quite right. I could sense that you were pulling back from me. I tried everything to reach out to you. I’ve lowered my pride for you, which was kind of a slap in my face. I let my emotional walls down for you, and even opened myself up, which I would only do to those who are special to me. What else did you want from me? My virginity? Gosh. You could have just gone to a brothel. Way, way cheaper and easily accessible. All kidding aside, never in my life have I thought of doing those things for a fucking guy. Guess this will be something I’ll laugh about in the near future (probably tomorrow). The least you could do was to let me know that you’re no longer interested. But knowing you, you don’t have the guts to do that since you don’t wanna come off as the fucking bad guy. I get it now. You want a clean slate. You want to be known as Mr. Righteous. You wanted me to do the dirty deed of ending things. I really thought you were different. I never expected you to be one of those typical jerks at all. Guess this was my first (and hopefully last) poor sense of judgment. Bravo.

Thank you for showing me the kind of gutless person you really are, with that fucking self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude of yours that you seriously need to fix. Like dude, please cut that “I-think-I’m-better-than-everyone” mindset. I’m not even sure as to why you’re going around trying to fix other people when you haven’t even fixed yourself first. Making up for your mistakes, maybe? Trying to show that you can pull a “good guy” persona? Could be. Yeah yeah, I know. You used to be hooked on drugs and you survived the whole “ordeal”. I truly applaud you for that, getting your life back on track. But is it still on the right track now? Why don’t you just take a look in the mirror first? See if you are really proud and contented with what you’ve been doing to yourself and to everyone you know. Dude, just because you’re into that whole religion thing does not mean that you know more than others. Honestly speaking, religion does not define a person. So, please just stop preaching around like you’ve had life figured out. Just because you’re heavily involved in Church does not mean that you are a good person who fucking deserves all the goodness in the universe. You’ve been “preaching” to me to make me better, but you know what? I know better for myself. I am my own bitch. Besides, you’re not even doing everything you advocate. Practice what you preach, honey. Seriously. You tell me to lower my pride, you don’t lower yours. You tell me to stop drinking, you don’t stop. You tell me to stop judging others, you make fun of people. And just this afternoon, you told me to stop bossing people around. I was like, WHAT.IN.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK.DID.I.JUST.HEAR. That really pissed me off. When did that happen exactly? Oh I’m sorry, who loves bossing people around here again? Last time I checked, telling someone not to boss others around is an example of bossing around. Oh, the irony. You should have just said, “Stop bossing ME around”. I apologize for touching your “manly” ego. Maybe it was the tone of my voice that set you off. My apologies, Madam. What’s more ironic is the fact that you wanna be the boss all the time. Gosh, get over yourself. Wake up.

Darling, look at you. You are a fucked up individual. I know, because I am as well, but at least, I’m aware and accepting it. Your ego’s too big that you can’t even accept the fact that people are judging you. You’re just playing the victim role. You want people to know that you’re innocent and it’s always the other person’s fault. Thus, your infamous motto “You can’t please everyone”. What’s that called again? Oh yes, BULLSHIT. Grow some balls and just man the fuck up. Why even point fingers when you know it’s your fucking fault? Like where’s the motherfucking sense in that? Guess what? I knew all about your reputation early on and I didn’t even question you, thinking that you’ve changed, or that those were just made-up stories by people who didn’t like you. I wanted to give you a chance since I saw something in you that was really genuine, but my oh my was I hella wrong. Guess I was just delusional at that time. Moving on, I didn’t bother to ask you about those rumors because you might think that I would have prejudged you already based on your past. I was questioning myself whether I’ll give you a shot, since you were bad news. Being the “see-for-myself” type of person, I decided to follow my gut and set aside all those rumors and know you myself. Wrong move, Daph.

Has it even occurred to you that you are the problem, not the people around you? You’re just too cowardly to admit it. I mean, why have you always complained that there would always be people bashing you? You have your ex-colleagues, your relatives, your past “lovers”, and those I might not know of yet. Why the hell wouldn’t you just accept that reality, apologize to them, and move the fuck on? You might have been saying or doing some things that rub them the wrong way. Why don’t you reflect on that instead? Stop whining around like a little girl and be a fucking man. Oh, I’m sorry for bossing you around. But then again, you’re a grown-ass guy. What 30-year-old dude gets told around by a 23-year-old chick, right? I mean, you’re right. You have your own life. I have mine. I’m still young and mighty fine as hell. I might still be lost as of the moment, but I’m sure as fuck that I’ll get to that place eventually. I still have a lot of exploring and experimenting to do, lots of places to go to, and definitely lots of faces to meet. You, on the other hand, are getting old, my friend. You need to get your shit together. Ooops… Sorry to boss you around again, Mr. Diva.

Seriously though, I wish you the best of luck in your fucking life. I’m hoping that you find whatever happiness it is that you seek for yourself. I feel sorry for you, honestly. But hey, shit happens. All you gotta do is to suck it up, buttercup. I hope that if ever we get to cross paths again, you’ve already grown a set of manly balls to step up and say whatever you want to my face, instead of avoiding me like you did to your previous lady lovers (although I’m certainly not one of them). I’ve found peace within myself already, and I hope you do the same. I’m definitely not sorry for this letter, and I have no regrets whatsoever. Again, you left me no choice but to compose this lovely piece of literary work. Had you only accepted my invitation to talk one last time, this would not have existed.

Nice knowing you. God bless you and Namaste, bitch.