10 Things You Should Never Say to a Depressed Person

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1. “Move on.”

This phrase gets me heated instantaneously. I’m not a magician. Don’t you think that if it was as easy as “moving on” that I would have done so by now? Or do you honestly believe I love being in enough pain to make me hate waking up every morning?

2. “You’re emotional.”

Oh…oh ok. When have you seen me cry? When have you seen me change moods in less than a 24 hour period? I care about other people more than I care about myself 99% of the time. Society has incorrectly tied together emotions and caring when they are separate ideas. Sorry I gave enough of a damn to attempt to care about you, because I don’t want you to suffer like I have.

3. “Think about all these people that love you.”

Yeah, ok essentially that translates in my head to “think about all the people you are letting down because you’re not happy”. Don’t pretend like that’s not what you really meant. Do you think I suddenly forgot I had family? Or friends? Perhaps you should consider that I haven’t been surrounded by the right friends in order to properly heal from my hurts.

4. “Someone has it worse than you.”

Yeah, because clearly I think the world revolves around me and everyone should focus their care on me. Oh, wait, that’s not the case? Neither one of us is within the vicinity to aid these “other people,” so how is this supposed to make me feel better? You have not only made me feel even worse about my depression, but you have invalidated my feelings and therefore have cheapened my struggle. Much appreciated.

5. “That’s nothing, listen to what happened to me.”

No, no. This is not a game to see who can be the most broke. I am not looking for someone to not only make me feel like I’m an ass for complaining, but also make me feel bad for my complaints. Instead let’s hug it out, watch a movie, go out to dinner — something other than one up each other.

6. “Will you be better soon?”

Yeah, sure, if you’d give me just one second, I will hop into my time machine and fast forward to a time that I don’t occasionally have depressive symptoms. Don’t put time limits on when I have to be “ok” again. If you don’t want to stick around and help me reach that point then walk away. If you do walk away, don’t plan on ever coming back into my life, you are officially dead in my books.

7. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

I mean, I only eat one meal a day. I sleep between the hours of 2pm to 12pm and I am incessantly awake all night turning my life every which way to figure it out. Yeah I know that I usually bounce back from these depressive days, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t need a little encouragement. Also, what if this was that one time that I didn’t bounce back?

8. “I’ll let you handle it on your own, but let me know if you need anything.”

I most certainly will not be talking to you in the near future. If you notice that I am upset and you choose to let it slip because you’re afraid, selfish, ignorant, or whatever, then I will never ask for your help. I don’t need you texting me every hour to check up on me, but an occasional check-in text is greatly appreciated and reminds me that people do actually care that I’m still alive.

9. “I want you to get back to your old self.”

Um, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize that my depressed self isn’t good enough for you. Let me go pop a few happy pills (Xanax), put on my mask, and then we can hang out. My depression is a part of who I am and it doesn’t change the core of my being. I am still the kind, compassionate, empathetic, and caring individual I always was. I’m just struggling and having trouble at the moment. If anything my depression is helping me grow to be someone better and more understanding. You shouldn’t want a previous version of myself, you should want what’s best for me and if you’re a great friend you’ll help me on my journey.

10. *Silence*

The absolute worst thing you can do to someone who is brave enough and strong enough to trust you with their depression is remain silent. You’re silence makes me feel completely ashamed of myself. If anything you have provided me with the motivation I needed to believe I am worthless enough to no longer live. Thank goodness I have plenty other people to buffer your carelessness so that you can royally f**k off. I should set you on fire, but I have other things to worry about. TC mark

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