6 Things You Probably Drunkenly Did On Your Birthday

I say probably, because let’s be real, the night escaped you a little bit. Whether you were possibly dancing with locals in your college town or maaaybe falling (repeatedly), you definitely were having a great time! So let’s take a look back on all the things you (were told) you did while getting a pass because you were birthed into this world.

1. Made strangers buy you shots.

A birthday must. I don’t see that much shame in this, because when it’s their special day you will try and return the favor (if you ever find your wallet, but that’s besides the point). When you get to a certain point in the night, you lose the ability to remember your name or how to greet people, but you definitely can pull out the words “birthday shotssss!” and people oblige.

2. Mixed a ton of shots.

Unfortunately, ‘Kid In Red Shirt’ doesn’t know that ‘Woman Too Old For This Bar,’ bought you a shot of whiskey while he is handing you a shot of tequila. While one any other day you would probably stop yourself and think, “hmm, I will definitely vomit from mixing all of these things together,” all you could muster up to say was “I LOVEE MEEE.” Which leads us to…

3. Vomited.

Just so much. So you mixed those alcohols, and now you’re in the bathroom or the curb leaving the world a birthday present of your own. You definitely have to get your shit together, but save that for tomorrow! When you’re a day and one year older, which is so much more mature than your current age. So you wipe yourself up, and then head home of course. Wait, of course NOT! You brush yourself off, buy some gum at the bodega across the street, and then run in to take another shot. #BirthdayRally

4. Told EVERYONE it was your birthday.

Yeah, no one really cares. But since we’re all Blanche DuBois and rely on the kindness of strangers, especially on our birthdays, they entertain you and give you a hug. Whether the hug was to embrace you or to keep you from falling is for them to know and for you not to remember. These strangers ultimately lead us to our next point:

5. Ya got nasty.

While alcohol does impair motor-skills no matter what day, on your birthday it takes a different effect. Instead of just dropping things, which you obviously are doing (hello, wallet?), you’re grabbing everyone and everything. This either ends with you getting arrested, getting slapped, or getting lucky. Hey, maybe it’s a combo of the three! It’s a 50 Shades of Grey world and we’re just living in it.

6. Finally, you woke up.

“How is it already P.M.? Why is there cake all over my shirt? Did I throw a shoe out my window?” Are just some of the questions you ask yourself while fumbling to take two Advil that you will eventually throw up in ten minutes. You’re a wreck, but your birthday was a success and you should spend the rest of the day trying to piece back the night while also having a piece of cake. But don’t get to into it, because possibly one of the best gifts of all is not remembering EVERYTHING that you did last night.