Believe it or not, there are parties out there that people actually remember. Sometimes. These are adult parties. And by ‘adult parties,’ I want you to think hors d’oeuvres and not whore d’oeuvres, LOL. (Sorry, I sometimes need to remind myself that I’m not Samantha Jones). Whether it be a school function or a work reception, there are different rules that apply than your usual night out. Guests sometimes bring things, like an appetizer or snack, and upon entering if you see no one who wants to make out with you, crying and leaving isn’t the first response. You actually just stay and enjoy the party (how??). I know I’m confusing a lot of you, so I decided to make a list of tips and tricks I wish I had known before I shouted at the dean of my college to bring donuts to my class the next day:
1. Just because something’s free doesn’t mean you should have seven of them:
OMG, they have Prosecco? And, it actually has a cork and not a twist off cap. I need to drink ALL the bottles to make up for the grilled cheese I had for dinner for the fifth night in the row (whether this is purely for financial reasons and not actually because I love cheese is up for debate). While no one’s expecting you to be sippin’ on juice and juice all night, be reasonable. These are people you’re probably trying to impress, and hide your mess-tactic tendencies from, so do everything you can to behave. Plus, an open bar is really nice of a host to have, so be gracious for that! And TIP YOUR BARTENDER.
DISCLAIMER: If there are mini appetizers, disregard this rule. You need like, 12 mini quiches to equal one.
2. Dress in a way that shows you off, but not in a way that HR has to get involved:
By ‘showing you off,’ I mean the you that is actually important, meaning your personality and point of view. We all secretly think that our back-sides are super good looking, but maybe go without the dress or pair of pants that supports this claim for a party like this. That doesn’t mean to just blend in to the crowd—give yourself a flare! Are you a fun, savvy creator taking over the world? Then yes, wear your red pants and bright yellow shirt! Okay, maybe not that combination, because you’ll make everyone crave McDonalds—but you get what I mean. If you take a little risk in style, that’s still okay in your boss’ eyes, you’ll have a great conversation starter and an even better chance at leaving a mark at the water cooler then next day. Sidenote, do offices still use water coolers?
3. And finally, no kissing:
This is more so for the few of you going to an office party. I know, I KNOW, Pam and Jim are adorable and they made us all secretly want to move to Pennsylvania, find true love and sell paper. But this is when we have to cut the Television cord, and realize that they were acting that out. And office romances don’t usually have that kind of spark. I’m not saying not to fall in love with the blonde in advertising, I’m saying do it on your own terms. Shimmying, albeit one of my favorite forms of dancing, shouldn’t make its way into your work space lounge, even if there are speakers and they are playing your song. And if I’m giving the veto of shimmying, you know for sure kissing is off the table. Speaking of tables, make sure you get off them too. Office tables are probably 12 years old and will break on you. Do you want to be the known as ‘Marketing Associate they hired because they were a great intern’ or do you want to be known as ‘that new employee who made the party awkward’? Exactly. Let your boss believe that you put knowledgeable in French on your resume because you spent a semester there, not because you love an intimate make out. Oui oui!
So go off into the wild, semi-adults, and do your best to get fired up at the party without getting fired… or severely talked about. And remember, when in doubt, go to J.Crew, because even the kid’s clothes there look so suave-professional I’d let a seven year old do my taxes.