To some of you reading this, you might think I’m a writer.
I mean, I’ve written 230+ stories on Medium and have released a book. And “big scoop,” I’m releasing more soon. And I have no intention of stopping writing, though the idea crossed my mind quite a few times.
But I’ve got news for you. I am not a writer. Or at least, I don’t identify myself as a writer. Don’t mind my profile heading, it’s just for show.
A lot of the people I have worked with in the past — when I was still employable — would tell you Danny is a software engineer. I think like an engineer. I’m disciplined and organized in my work and my routines.
But the truth is, I’m not even an engineer. I dropped out of university halfway through.
To anyone following my journey since 2018, they might think I’m a right-brained, creative guy. After all, I design video games, I write stories, both fiction and non-fiction, I take semi-professional photos, and I know my way around photoshop.
Yet I’d say they are wrong.
These things make me terribly uncomfortable, but most people could never tell. I constantly doubt myself when it comes to creative work. Ask my wife, I can be annoying as ****.
I’ve probably made over 30 different game prototypes over the years, yet I’ve only ever released two games by myself over 15 years doing them. And both of them in alpha…
And my stories on Medium?
There are times when I think they seriously suck, but somehow I get the courage to still release them. Most of the times I’m right, but there are times when I’m proven wrong and I inspired someone. And then I read them again a few months later and realize that I was just being hard on myself.
Photography is the worst for me. I sell myself short all the time. I have yet to hear someone say my photos suck (and please do tell me if they do), yet after most photoshoots I do, I’m disappointed in myself.
I see all the different areas I could improve, yet can’t seem to fix my mistakes. I compare myself with the top photographers in the world, even if I know they’ve got years of experience ahead of me.
Now then you might be thinking that Danny is a crybaby with no self-esteem.
You’d be damn wrong. Ask my wife again. I certainly don’t lack self-esteem. And I hope not to the point of being obnoxious. I like to think I’m humble. I must be lying to myself…
So who am I?
“Will you just tell me already?” I hear you scream (please don’t, I hate loud noises…)
Answer: I don’t know more than you do, and I don’t care to know.
It’s that simple.
I don’t believe in personality tests. Kind of.
How many personality tests have you taken, forcefully or not?
At least a few, right?
How were the results of the test?
Now you might not see that coming, given how I said I don’t believe in them, but most of the results were pretty accurate for me.
If I took a test while I was studying software engineering, I fit the profile.
If I took a test while I was in my writing and photography learning phase, I fit the creative profile.
Am I a left-brained logical engineer, or a right-brained creative dude?
Neither and both. I took a few tests yesterday:
– One leaned slightly to the left
– One leaned slightly to the right
That’s why personality tests don’t work. At least for me. And I like to think that I’m nothing special.
Like every other human being, I change. I adapt. Sometimes I’m left-brained, sometimes I’m right-brained.
Zdravko Cvijetic said something along the lines of: “The person you are today doesn’t have to be the person you are tomorrow”.
To that, I say: “Damn right!”
I started reading Mahatma Ghandi’s autobiography yesterday. The subtitle is: “My experiments with truth”. That’s what he was about: experiments.
“It Is Not the Strongest of the Species that Survives But the Most Adaptable” — Charles Darwin
I like to experiment and adapt to my environment.
That makes me a crude being. I’m FAR from perfect. I try things. I see what sticks, and what doesn’t.
I may not be perfect, but doing so makes me, me.
I am not a writer.
I am not an engineer.
I am not a game designer.
I am not a photographer.
I am a collection of crude experiments. The Danny you know today is not the Danny you’ll know tomorrow.
I guess that’s what I am: an experiment. Looks weird on a resume, so I write all of the above…
And it’s the same with you. You are an experiment. For better or worse.
You’re in a good situation in life? Well, good for you, but remember this:
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
There will come a time when you won’t be. It’s inevitable. I have been there and so have you. And that will bring you to the situation below.
You’re in a bad situation in life? So was I. So am I in some ways.
Well, I’ve got news for you: You can freaking change that. You are adaptable. We are, I think, the most adaptable species. Do us proud, change your bad habits. Pull your life together. I know you can do this.
Remember, the person people know you to be doesn’t have to be the person they will know tomorrow.
So, am I who you thought I was?
Are you who you thought you were?
Is anyone even who you think they are?
For a moment, you will be correct in your assumptions about who someone is. Some people change and adapt faster than others, but everyone changes in some ways.
Do an experiment and reconnect with someone you haven’t seen for a few years.
Notice the differences.
If they can change, so can you.
So who am I?
I’m an experiment. I am who I want to be at a specific moment in time.
I will never be who you think I am.