1. You make an online profile, highlighting your greatest assets.
Be it a personal website, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, or Tinder – you want to make sure any stalker search beyond your official profile show off your best assets, which might sometimes literally be your ass. #Seltering
2. You daydream about your future together.
You get really excited when you realize your dream job or mate are interested in you! You begin to picture your future in this role and think of all the amazing possibilities. Attn: what will my baby look like?
3. It takes you at least 20 minutes to respond to their message, because you want your single sentence response to be absolutely perfect.
“Yes, I would love to come in for an interview.” or “Coffee sounds perf!” – That was a major toughie to compose, you might have even gotten some pointers from a mentor.
4. When you meet in person for the first time, you want to look your BEST, but not like you’re trying too hard.
Heels or flats???????????????? This could literally be a game changer. What if he’s short? What if you’re over-dressed? (A tuxedo is always appropriate attire.)
5. You might even buy a new addition to your wardrobe.
Dress to impress, this is your future. Nothing makes you feel more confident than a sparkly new timepiece or a trip to Sephora.
6. After your first in-person encounter, you replay the entire occurrence over and over in your head.
Did you seem cool and fun? Did you say something stupid? What if you never hear from them again?
7. You wait to hear back from your dream prospect, but want to keep your options open, so you begin looking aroud again.
Time is definitely of the essence.
8. When you finally do hear back, “you’re just not a right fit at this time.”
Whatever, they don’t even know your full-on AMAZINGNESS. How could anyone know that from just one date or interview?
9. To cope with rejection, you utilize in ONE or ALL of the following:
-You actually don’t care because you’ve already moved on to the next best thing.
-You eat your feelings. You have a lot of feelings. An entire sheet cake and 3 chipotle burritos worth.
-Alcohol. They didn’t deserve you anyway, but this bottle of Skyy does.
-Extra long gym sessions. Stress relief + hot bod = perfect match.
10. Your friends and family say, “there’s something better out there for you.”
You don’t believe it.
11. And when you finally find a perfect match, nothing else seems to matter.
You can’t really appreciate the good things in life without experiencing a bit of the bad, right?
Best of luck to all job and love seekers!