No one is perfect. I’ve never met anyone who likes every single thing about themselves. Even confident people have things they’re insecure about – they just don’t let it get them down.
If you ask people what’s the most attractive quality someone could have, most will say confidence. Being confident in yourself attracts others and people will enjoy your presence because that inner happiness and contentment will radiate off of you like a beam of energy. Confidence goes a long way.
Think about it. Have you ever met someone who maybe wasn’t the most interesting or best-looking to you, but they were so confident in themselves you couldn’t help but want to be around them and admire them? Confidence can make all the differene.
Over the years, I’ve been told by a lot of people to be more confident in myself. Whenever people told me that, it was as if they thought I didn’t want to be, but I did. The thing is, I just didn’t know HOW.
For a while, I thought if I did specific things, then I would be confident. I would dress up all the time, tried changing my posture, and I was disappointed when they didn’t work. One day I realized confidence is not a step by step process, it’s not a do-this-and-you-will-have-instant-confidence type thing.
Confidence is a mindset. It’s a continuous process. It’s not – you either have it or you don’t. It’s built, and just like a newly built house, it has to be maintained.
It’s also correcting bad habits. So instead of just focusing on how to build confidence, you also have to be aware of things that can take it away. Things like: comparing yourself to others, negative self-talk, gossiping about others, etc.
When you’re used to comparing yourself all the time and gossiping about someone else to make yourself feel better, it can be hard to imagine doing anything else. I’m guilty of it. I didn’t realize the very act that I thought was making me feel better was actually keeping me down, even if it felt like it wasn’t.
After I learned that wasn’t healthy, I wanted to improve and get better. So whenever I found myself doing that I would stop it. Sometimes I would forget and slip right back, because it was comfortable and what I was used to.
It’s easier to gossip and compare than it is to mind your own business and work on oneself. It’s hard at first but you just have to make yourself; it’s like an addiction. After a while of not comparing, I started to see an improvement in how I felt about myself and so I continued to stop the negative thoughts.
Eventually, the urge to compare or dwell became less natural. Every once in a while, I still have the temptation to but I just don’t because I don’t want to go down that path, and hinder my progress. You have to know that you’re in control. Even if your mind is against you, don’t let it take over.
You may see someone you admire or who seems to have it all, but even they have things they don’t like about themselves. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop; divert your attention back to yourself. Being jealous of someone else is normal and understandable but if you dig deeper it’s actually a dissatisfaction with oneself.
Figure out what you don’t like, decide which things you can change and which you’ll just have to accept. Instead of wishing you were someone else, become the best version of yourself.
“Envy is an illusion. When something good happens to someone else, it takes nothing away from you.” -Unknown
We’re all here just wanting to feel loved and accepted, we just go about it in different ways. But judging or bringing down others is not the way. Just like you shouldn’t be hard on others, don’t be hard on yourself. You can be your own worst enemy.
We’re all equal yet different, no two people are alike, we’re incomparable. We’re all original and blessed in different ways, so the key is to embrace your quirks. Instead of dwelling on what you don’t like, focus on what you do like about yourself.
And remember that there are things you can do to make building confidence an easier process:
- Delete or limit social and mass media. It’s just a breeding ground for jealousy.
- Let go of people who bring you down. Be around people who appreciate you for you.
- Make a list of your good qualities, along with qualities you admire in others. Figure out ways to incorporate them into yourself. i.e I love people who are go getters. So now I do my best to go after what I want.
- Learn to love yourself, and accept yourself unconditionally. That is what really matters. Don’t seek validation from others, because you’ll never be satisfied. Support yourself. You are not your mind, you just have to redirect your thoughts.
- Change or accept the qualities you don’t favor in yourself. Agonizing somewhere in the middle is never going to help you.
- Stop the comparisons. Whenever you find yourself getting jealous of someone, instead of criticizing them, admit the jealousy, feel it in your stomach, and breathe. It will pass. Don’t keep stirring it up with negative thoughts; remember you are not your mind, you just have to redirect your focus.
- Don’t worry about what other people think of you. If you’re being the best you can be and someone doesn’t like you, there is nothing you can do about it and that’s okay. Instead of constantly trying to get everyone to like you, focus on being true to yourself and the right people will love you.
Building your inner confidence back up will definitely be a long and never-ending process. But think of it this way – no matter how you act, or who you try to be, someone isn’t going to like you (that’s life). So why not spend your energy being the real you? That way, when someone does like you, they’re truly accepting you.