If those Nicholas Sparks movies have taught us anything, it’s that when something threatens to take away your one true love, you fight for it. No matter how many people say it isn’t good for you, or declare the one you love to be a “public nuisance,” or call him names like “cock sauce.”
Of course, I’m talking about the deep relationship you have with Sriracha.
For almost a year now, the manufacturers of this precious product, Huy Fong Foods, have been in hot water over how Sriracha is produced — with complaints coming in by the dozens about the spicy odor it causes when it’s made — and with over 200,000 bottles produced daily, that’s a lot spice being thrown into the atmosphere. But, is that really such a hefty price to pay for a sauce that makes even the most mediocre Chinese takeout taste like it’s been carefully crafted by an Iron Chef?
If you’ve found yourself stockpiling Sriracha in preparation for a potential srirachocalypse, or outraged at how selfish the residents of California are being over this whole spicy air situation, you’re probably in a relationship with Sriracha. If you’re in denial that this is the case, here are 10 more signs that this is true.
- It’s the first thing you think about when you wake up. What kind of breakfast will your Sriracha accompany today? A frittata? Eggs benedict? A health-conscious egg white omelette that would have no flavor whatsoever if not for your beloved Sriracha? The possibilities are endlessly delicious.
- It makes you hot. Is it hot in here? Or is it just the fiery combo of chili peppers in your Sriracha that are making you sweat…
- You can’t live without it. You can’t imagine a world where it doesn’t exist, and your friends are starting to get slightly concerned that the two of you are not good for each other.
- It makes even the most mundane moments into something extra special. Your typical 99 cent Cup O’ Noodles is suddenly a culinary work of art once Sriracha gets involved.
- No other hot sauce will do. Using Frank’s Hot Sauce or Tabasco feels like cheating (because it is, and you’d never do that to your boo).
- You panicked that time they were going to stop making it. But lucky for you, it’s here to stay — which is better for you, since you’re more of a long term relationship kind of girl.
- You brag to your friends about Sriracha all the time. As in, “You’ll never believe what I put Sriracha on last night,” because the options are infinite. Sriracha is just that versatile, which is an important quality to have in a partner.
- The two of you celebrate holidays together. Particularly Christmas, when you both bundle up and watch your favorite Holiday movies together.
- You two have a very healthy personal life. He likes it when you squeeze him.
- You’re sure you’ve found the one. Nothing feels more right to you than dousing a plate full of food with Sriracha. And they say that when you find “the one,” it just feels right…