When it comes to speaking up about the things that are bothering you in the bedroom, most women would rather endure a less than stellar shag session than to kill the spirit of the guy who’s trying his best to get it right.
So to help all the men out there who aren’t aware of their bedroom faux pas (and to help the ladies being subjected to them) we asked 13 honest women to share their take on the things that guys are getting wrong in the sack. Their answers ranged from lack of foreplay (no, blow jobs do not count) to not caring if she got off or not (seriously).
There is a silver lining, however. These women are willing to work around your needs, as long as you cater to theirs first. As Sally, 28 put it: “If you’re the kind of guy who passes out seconds after he finishes, make it your mission to get me off first.”
Men, let us help you help us. Read on for the 13 things women need you to start doing differently—from setting the right pace, to the correct and proper way to treat our clit.
- The Jackhammer. “Way too many guys do it like they’re 16-years old and cashing in their v-card. If the motion you’re making resembles the way a jackhammer breaks up pavement, you’re doing it wrong.” -Sara, 24
- Not Getting The Hint From The Noises We’re Making (Or Not). “If you’re doing something that feels good and has me making a ton of noise, and then you start doing something different and I go silent, I’m not enjoying it anymore. Do something else!” -Jessica, 24
- Lack of Foreplay. “Guys may be ready to go after a few minutes of making out—but if there’s no foreplay involved, shoving it in while I’m dry is not going to be good for either of us.” -Meagan, 33
- Treating Sex Like a Contest. “Sex is not an event in the summer or winter Olympics, I promise you, so while you want to go for that gold medal, sometimes less is more. The more aggressive you are, the more I will want to go running. I am not timing you, or giving you a score, so please just relax a bit. I don’t want to be on the other end of a tug of war between you and my vagina.” -Alli, 26
- Being Distant. “What are men getting wrong in bed is the opportunity to emotionally attach themselves to their mate. With men being primarily physical and women emotional, men need to take time out to get to know who they’re sleeping with, and show signs of being a caring, smart, strong, loyal man.” -Steffanie, 45
- Getting Too Excited Too Quickly. “Seriously, there are way too many one-minute men out there.” -Shannon, 29
- Not Asking What She Likes. “That weird thing you did with your tongue during oral might have worked for your ex-girlfriend, but not all lady parts are created the same—meaning different things feel good to different women. I’d rather you ask what gets me off than to spend 20 minutes trying in vain.” -Lisa, 32
- Going Too Fast. “Because men want to go straight to sex, they think that’s what women want as well. The truth is … women like it when their man goes slow and takes his time.” -Tiffany, 24
- Too Much Clit Stimulation. “This has happened to me many times, and I feel sorry for the girlfriends who came before me and probably have no clit sensation left due to this move. Men, putting your thumb on my clit and moving it around like the joystick on your N64 controller during Mario Kart is not It hurts.” -Nicole, 26
- Ignoring the Clit. “For most women the clitoris is their primary source of pleasure, and isn’t stimulated from jack-rabbit penetration. –Kait
- Imitating Porn. “I am all for watching porn, but real women are different. Doing things without asking, or doing things forcibly really turns me off.” -Elise, 21
- “Complain that they’re ‘doing all the work.’ Please.” -Sharon, 51
- Thinking Sex is Over Once He Finishes. “I guess this fact is lost on a lot of guys, but most of us women don’t get off from just straight up penetration. So if you’re the kind of guy who passes out seconds after he finishes, make it your mission get me off first.” -Sally, 28