5 Things You Never Realized About Owning Cats

Don’t get it twisted — I own a cat because I love the absolute crap out of cats. And while I could go on for many, many paragraphs about why cats are the superior pet to own, there are certain, less obvious perks that come with having a cat that need to be recognized.
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1. You’ll never oversleep. Did you set your alarm for PM by mistake? Or maybe you sucker punched your snooze button until your phone ended up somewhere underneath your bed. Lucky for you, your cat knows exactly what time it is — breakfast time! Cats have many different techniques for getting you out of bed and over to their food bowl — mine likes to knock all the perfume bottles off of my dresser with her paw, one by one. If that doesn’t work, she resorts to jumping off of the highest perch on her scratching post and onto my face. But I’m never late for work…

2. Your apartment will never become the “crash pad.” Approximately 15-30% of all humans are allergic to cats. That’s a 15-30% percent chance that when your roommate wants their boyfriend to stay over all the time, or have friends from out of town come and stay at your place for a few weeks, these guests will be risking their lives, or at least, their ability to breathe easily by opting to stay with you. Bonus points if your cat has long hair that results in furballs the size of tumbleweeds and makes the floors of your apartment look like the wild, wild west.

3. Your cat is (usually) the reason behind all of those scary sounds that you hear at night. It’s 4 a.m., and you’re awakened by a crash, a creak, or a small scratching sound. Could it be a thief? A murderer? A mouse? Maybe…but more likely than not it’s just your cat, doing normal cat things like chasing shadows, or scratching something that it’s not supposed to scratch, since you’re unconscious. You’ll feel way better about rolling over and going back to sleep with your feline friend there to blame all of these bumps in the night on.

Oh, and speaking of mice…

4. Owning a cat means that you also own a mini exterminator. If you actually do have a mouse in your apartment, it won’t be alive for long. Your cat will stalk, hunt, and kill that little sucker dead — and then leave it for you as a present on your living room floor. Once the word of the fatal attack gets back to all of the other mice, chances are they’ll take up residence in some other catless apartment in your building instead.

5. You will ward off potential douchebag significant others. Listen, I know that cuddling with a cat doesn’t rank high on a list of “the manliest things that men can do” — but if the person you’re dating can’t even give your cat a courtesy pet, or let it rub it’s face against his leg for a few seconds, he’s probably not a keeper. If your cat hisses, scratches, or refuses to go anywhere near your new mate, your relationship is probably headed for disaster. I’ve consistently found my cat to be an excellent judge of character. TC mark

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