Thought Catalog

Why Being A People-Pleaser Gets You Nowhere

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Fahim Fadzlishah
Fahim Fadzlishah

I’ve been a so-called people-pleaser for as long as I can remember. I have notoriously made decisions based on how my friends will react or what my family will think of me. People I’ve dated, friends I’ve hung out with, jobs I’ve taken — the list goes on. And I regret to tell all of you fellow people-pleasers that it got me nowhere. I woke up one morning, getting ready to go to a job I had only because I was afraid to quit, fearing what my co-workers would think if I quit and made a sudden self-proclamation: the bullshit stops here.

Over time I’ve realized that we as humans only get one chance to make the decisions that will clear the path for our entire futures; why let anyone else play a role in them?

Stop going out of your way for others and killing yourself to make other people happy. Nine times out of ten, that person won’t return the favor.

Having spent the majority of my post-pubescent life with everyone in mind except myself, I’ve made a change for the better, and here’s why you should join me.

Do you feel trapped in a job you hate? Or maybe you’re studying at a college you can’t stand? I was too, in a job, at least. I thought about quitting for so long that by the time I finally cut myself loose from the job I felt no enjoyment from, I’d worked there for eight years. Don’t let yourself be like me. If you don’t like your job, quit. Find another one that makes you happy. Don’t worry about the people you leave behind or what they’ll think of you. If they are true friends, your happiness will be the closest thing to their hearts.

And if you hang out with someone who you truly don’t enjoy being around, someone who is constantly dragging you down or making you a lesser version of yourself, you need to let go. I’ve been there too. I’ve been in friendships where I was actually closer to my friend’s parents than her, and the idea of losing them was what upset me. You can’t have that. Spend your time with people who only make you feel better about yourself, and don’t make you compromise any part of yourself in order to keep them in your life.

Don’t let anyone take away from who you are.

That leaves me with relationships. Now, let me just preface this with saying that I am by no means a relationship expert. In fact, I’ve had more relationships blow up in my face than put stars in my eyes. But it all comes down to people pleasing. Never, never, never settle for a relationship that you don’t want with all your heart. The people we let see our deepest, most damaged parts should only be those who are worthy of them. Love is not a force to be reckoned with, and I promise you will only feel repercussions by doing so. Don’t risk getting your heart broken 6 months or a year down the line for a person that you don’t truly care for. Let no one else be any factor in your decision to date someone and letting him or her into your world. You are too good of a person to let someone take away from your spirit.

Ironically, pleasing others may only leave you feeling less pleased with yourself. And if anyone deserves the best, it’s you. TC mark

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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