Course 1: Soup
The Dusty Can in the Back
Calories: About 130
- 1 can condensed “vegetarian vegetable” soup
- Cinnamon sugar (to taste)
Pour can of soup into microwave-safe bowl. Refill can three-quarters way with water (do not follow the instructions and use a full can) and pour into bowl. Add lots of cinnamon sugar. Stir. Microwave for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Stir again. Pour half into a soup bowl and serve. Refrigerate the other half for tomorrow. Note: using less water makes the soup seem chunkier and more filling. The cinnamon sugar makes it interesting and helps to distract you from the discovery that CANNED SOUP IS SO SALTY WHEN YOU DON’T USE ALL THE WATER!
Course 2: Salad
- 3 full leaves of whatever lettuce you have
- 1 tbsp olive oil
Wash lettuce and tear with hands. Place into a salad-like bowl. Drizzle olive oil over lettuce and stir around with your fork. Grimace as you eat and wonder why you are doing this to yourself.
Course 3: Appetizer
- 1 ripe tomato
- 2 tablespoons raspberry blush vinegar
Wash tomato and cut into ¼-inch slices. Arrange flat on a large plate so none of the slices overlap. Drench each slice with vinegar. Enjoy with a fork and knife.
Course 4: Main dish
Brown Mush Salad
- ⅓ can refried black beans
- 4 full leaves of whatever lettuce you have
Scrape ⅓ can refried beans into microwave-safe container. Loosely cover and microwave for 38 seconds. While the beans are warming, wash then shred your lettuce by tightly rolling it then making multiple slices across the roll. Fluff it around to make it look better.
Remove bean container from microwave and stir thoroughly. Replace cover and return to microwave for another 38 seconds.
Place half of the shredded lettuce in a large cereal bowl. Dollop ¼ cup warm beans on lettuce. Cover with remaining lettuce and remaining warm beans. Stir and enjoy.
Course 5: Dessert
- 12 oz sweetened vanilla almond milk
- 1 ripe pear
Instructions: Wash pear and slice using apple slicer. Immediately eat at all but two slices. Chop one slice into cubes and dump in drinking glass. Fill glass with almond milk. Garnish with slice of pear and enjoy.
Optional: Add 3 oz of whatever clear liquor you happen to have. I opted for (my only choice) Wolfberry Bacardi. Note: Adds calories—3 oz plain vodka contains 192 and it goes up from there.