This Is What Goes On In Your Head When You Read A Job Listing

Reading a posting for a job you want to apply to is like having a dialogue with a company. When it feels like the company is speaking to you about a job you really want, it’s easy to get carried away envisioning your dream future. Here’s how that happens to me.

Job Title: Editorial Assistant

Cool, yeah, I’ll apply to this one today. I can edit and I can be an assistant. Actually I’m really good at both of those things. They should probably just hire me now and save all of us a bunch of time.

About Us: Our company has been around forever. We have lots of branches and each specializes in something different. We’re going to list some of those branches you probably didn’t know were a part of us. It makes us look impressive. We’ll also mention who owns us.

Wow, they’re so huge and impressive, they’d be an awesome company to work for. Wait, what? They’re owned by them? Corporations own everything!

Job description: The Editorial Assistant manages the daily needs of the editor of the department and everybody else who asks for help.

Not too bad. Just another assistant job. I could do this.

Responsibilities include but are not limited to: Manuscript transmission…

What does that even mean? Taking manuscripts from someone and giving them to someone else? Okay, but I don’t know why they felt like it was necessary to mention this. Should I mention my “transmission” skills in my cover letter? “I have experience transmitting materials between parties, i.e., carrying boxes down the hall so my boss doesn’t have to.” Maybe I need to research what this means…

…reading and evaluating submissions…

Awesome. Yes. I would kill for a job where one of my main duties is reading and evaluating manuscripts. Oh, but I bet I’d be a back-up and they’d give me all the ones no one else wanted to read. And probably way more than I feel like I can handle. Actually I’d probably hate this part of the job. Whatever.

…writing copy for book jackets…

So cool. My mom and grandma would be impressed with that too. Should I call Nana and tell her about this? Wow I really want this job.

…administrative tasks such as filing, coordinating materials for meetings, payments processing, mailings, and ordering supplies…

I already do every single one of these things and I am GOOD at them. Maybe I actually have a chance at getting this job!

…and working with high-profile agents and authors while maintaining a professional manner and confidentiality…

They just said this to entice me, and it worked. I really want to maintain confidentiality with famous authors. I can keep all the secrets. Am I allowed to tell my boyfriend? But I guess I won’t really need a boyfriend once I have this awesome job!

Required Skills, Knowledge, and Experience:

Okay, breathe. Cross my fingers. Please please please please don’t rule me out. I really want to do this job.

…4-year degree…

Yes! A B.S. is okay. Phew.

…and previous experience in publishing is a bonus…

… Well, at least it’s not a necessity.

…must be organized, highly detail-oriented, able to multi-task, and have strong interpersonal skills….

Even though I know multi-tasking isn’t real I have to be careful not to roll my eyes when an interviewer mentions multi-tasking because that will reflect poorly on my interpersonal skills. Other than that, I got this. I’m so excited to apply! An awesome job in the city! At a famous company! All my dreams are coming true!

Equal opportunity employer. Application deadline: two weeks ago.
Oh… TC mark

image – Idealist

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