At a young age you learned there’s a time and place. The urge hits at the most inopportune moment and panic overloads otherwise composed senses and muscles contract with valiant efforts of containment. Ants scramble to the bottoms of your feet and you begin to dance without care or composure as you survey the area for relief. It’s a natural feeling and a common reaction but you know cannot simply piss when you want, where you want. You’re expected to control your urges and compose your firing synopsis and release yourself in the appropriate place.
You learned control and when you didn’t practice control, you were held accountable.
At a young age you learned never to judge a book by its cover. Buried pages beg to be uncovered and hidden sentences yearn to be read over and over and meanings slither through synonyms just waiting to be discovered. A hand that graces one cover holds a thousand little pieces of a lie and an aging cover caresses a tragic deal with the devil and a fiery horse covers the warning, “don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” You forgo judgment and withhold unbridled assumptions until words are dissected and conversations are explored and characters transform into palpable perceptions of humanity.
You learned evaluation and when you didn’t take the time to evaluate, you were held accountable.
At a young age you learned you are not alone. You had to share toys with a younger sibling and take turns playing with a single Gameboy and wait patiently for the tire swing on the playground. Other feelings could be hurt and other bodies could bleed and other wants could flourish opposite your own. Cherished games weren’t played just for your benefit and a schoolmate’s math prowess didn’t just exist so you could copy and teachers watched over more lives than just your own.
You learned coexistence and when you didn’t successfully coexist, you were held accountable.
And then something happened.
Mini-skirts erased your responsibility to remain controlled and stilettos voided necessary evaluations and unconsciousness dismissed your need to peacefully coexist. Your urges became someone else’s responsibility, where the need to combat unrestrained desire became more important than controlling the desire itself. Where judgments are stitched into every low cut shirt and assumptions are made with every intoxicated silence and the sole purpose of another is to satisfy and give and submit.
You’ve learned there’s no need to be controlled or evaluate people for who they really are or lovingly coexist.
And no one is holding you accountable.