Let me tell you what it’s like to try to love someone who isn’t you.
It’s like walking into a room with one foot still outside of the door. The feeling seems familiar, yet the uncertainty is what keeps you from taking that extra leap. It’s like wanting so badly to be able to give all of yourself, but always having that fear that it will end up the same. It’s like worrying that you’re constantly saying too much, or none at all.
It’s like hearing words and phrases come out of his mouth with so much honesty, but still carrying skeletons of your empty promises wrapped around my chest.
It’s like running down the steepest hill you could ever imagine; the exhilaration is uplifting. It’s like finding another path to a road you’ve taken every day; the energy exerted is so fresh and comforting. It’s like discovering new things that you never thought you’d like and learning about old ways that you used to love, but buried deep into the ground.
It’s like witnessing the seasons change from fall to winter, spring to summer; tasting the difference, but nonetheless knowing that it is all too beautiful.
It’s like changing your week old sheets into the ones that were just washed; its clean blossomed scent so invigorating. It’s like finding your favorite shirt when you lost all hope of its presence ever showing up. It’s like remembering why you always decided to wait until after dinner to have dessert because you know that sugar is always better after sour and savory. It’s like drinking iced lemonade on the warmest summer day, the tangy mix pouring down your throat resembling the wave of emotions he makes you feel.
But best of all, it’s knowing that my love story still continues even when you left.
It’s understanding that no matter how long it takes, I am capable of breaking down my walls to let myself become vulnerable once again.
It’s waking up at the brink of dawn with another set of arms holding me tighter than you once had. It’s knowing that when his eyes pierce into mine I am understanding a whole new truth, a whole new being, a whole new world.
Let me tell you about loving someone who isn’t you – it’s even sweeter.